May 2, 2016

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor

The Sun Sentinel

500 E. Broward Blvd.

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

MVEMJSUNP

Beyond giving us “settled science” the pointy headed intellectuals gave us a mnemonic device that enabled school boys – Silly me! School girls also – to rattle off the way the planets stepped out from the sun. You may remember that for 15 centuries, 1,500 years, a millennium and a half, the science was settled. The Sun was the center of the universe, remember?

My Very Eager Mother Just Sent Us Nine Pizzas

Mercury, Venus, Earth, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto

And then a merry prankster with a really big telescope, a nerd known for a strange sense of humor, gave Pluto the chop.

The lesson to be learned here is that “settled science” maybe ain’t so “settled”.

And then there is bad news out of Omaha.

Warren Buffett, the favorite multi-billionaire of modern American Liberals, an investor who likes Hillary Clinton, a citizen who thinks his tax rate should be higher [It is an inconvenient fact that despite his love of higher taxes he intends to give 99% of his wealth to the Gates Foundation while living thereby depriving the ghoulish Federal tax man, a true carrion feeder, of his “fair share’ of the Death Tax. There is something fundamentally unfair about that, don’t you think?] thinks that Climate Change, by whatever du jour name it goes by, is bupkis.

To be precise, this decade’s Loch Ness, Piltdown Man, the scam of Climate Change, should go by its official name

GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateDestructionClimateChange

or is it

GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChangeClimateDestructtion?

Either way, that’s one tough name to put on a bumper sticker.

Beginning in 1968 with The Population Bomb by Professor Paul Ehrlich, a TV star cum academic, a snake oil salesman who learned well from P.T. Barnum, made a comfortable living as Chicken Little. He told us that in the long run we were all dead. For him, the long run ended in the year 2000. The only thing in doubt was whether we would starve to death before we froze to death. Further, he said that the main culprit in this was the Catholic Church. I must tell you that 16 years into extra time I am still calorically challenged. I am now without any cashmere or down jackets.

Time magazine had covers featuring cadavers whose only sustenance was chilblains and frostbite. 

Before you could say Sasquatch Global Cooling became Global Warming. I must disclose that I may have had a hand in all this. Every morning, after my dawn ablutions, I would spray some Right Guard out the bath room window. Where it went no one knows. I think it was coincident with the drowning of polar bears.

Along with this the terms “scientific method”, “reasoned discourse”, and “critical inquiry” became Yahoo intellectual ass wipes. Look it up.

Along came a horse’s ass of truly Homeric proportions. Former Vice President Alpha Gump, after he discovered the Internet, was the first to discover that the beleaguered ozone layer was going walkabout. He told us we had only 5 years to change course. The solutions were simple: Raise taxes and turn off all the A/Cs. 

Would I be considered a cad if I were to point out that he told us that 28 years aqo? I’ll take that risk

Even though the Great Reagan beat the Russkies, one of the vestiges of the Commies lives on. The 5 year plan is like Dracula. Nothing but nothing, up to and including holy water, perpetual dawn, silver bullets, crosses driven into its heart, can kill the 5 year plan of Dracula, the incubus corsair of Climate Change. If the Rockies don’t tumble, if Gibraltar doesn’t crumble, don’t worry. Just give it 5 more years. Hey! Even a stopped watch is right twice a day.

Which leads us to the prospect of Hurricane Noah flooding Broward Boulevard up to the second floor of the world HQ of the Sun Sentinel.

Warren Buffett says it ain’t going to happen.

If the Gods decide to punish us further they will send two signs. Two klxons will sound.

#1 – Waterfront property prices will go down. They aren’t.

#2 – Insurance rates would go up. They aren’t.

Perhaps you could help me with a question that no public official in Miami/Dade County wants to answer.

Miami Beach gets credit for mitigating the rising sea level by installing new, more powerful pumps. Can you tell me where the pumped water goes? If it is pumped East, North, or South it will come back with a vengeance as quickly as it is pumped out. If it is pumped West into Biscayne Bay was an environmental impact statement filed. Was any provision made for the welfare of hakes, skates, snooks, and eels? Have we all forgotten about the poor manatee? If water is promiscuously pumped West would that not be a violation of the Constitutional protections provided to property owners by the last 12 words of the Fifth Amendment?

I think it is time to consult with my favorite Eye-Tie climatologist. Professor Vivaldi of Venice has long been considered an expert on Climate Change. I think I’ll listen to what he has to say on these things.

Kevin Smith

PS – Just a few more things. Temperatures spiked upwards in Europe some 10 or 11 centuries ago. Higher temperature means more land becomes arable. That means more protein for more people. More protein means smarter people. Using the tautologies so favored by boobs who worship at the altar of Climate Change would it be OK to say that the Renaissance happened because of Global Warming? Conversely, the Medieval Ice Age happened some 5 centuries back. The cold weather caused the trees aroiund the Adriatic to have sporadic growth. A century later a man named Stradivarius made stringed instruments that can make people cry. I say that not only is Climate Change not bad it is a positive good for civilization. The other thing is that the earth is 14,000,000,000 years old. That’s 14 billion. I hope I put enough zeros in. The thought that puny man could undo that in 200 years suggests hubris beyond calculation. We remember what happened to Icarus. “Man will not only endure; he will prevail.”