May 27, 2019 Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor The Sun Sentinel RE: Journalistic hubris – Some comments on the wretched excesses found in today’s truncated edition of the Sun Sentinel’

May 27, 2019

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor

The Sun Sentinel

RE: Journalistic hubris – Some comments on the wretched excesses found in today’s truncated edition of the Sun Sentinel’

Ms. O’Hara.

Before I get to the real reason for my pre-dawn response on the assault on my aesthetic sensibilities, an assault which in olden days would have demanded a severe beating about the head and shoulders of the perpetrators – rhetorically speaking – grant me a brief digression.

Your Local section begins with the following headline:

“Seven upcoming ballot initiatives to watch in Florida”

Why, pray tell, should I watch them?

I’m not sure who “they” are but they were sure watching a few years ago when a whole bunch of deplorable vipers exercised one of the rights most sought after by modern American Liberals more than a century ago – the right of referendum. The question of whether same-sex couples should be able to marry each other was put on the ballot. The people, in their collective wisdom, voted it down. And, may I add, voted it down overwhelmingly. The populi really voxed on that one, didn’t they? Alas, it was like dust on the wind. “They”, whoever the Hell “they” are, decided that that was not up to their standards. “They” called a Mulligan saying that while all referenda are equal some referenda are more unequal than others.

I remember telling my kids that if you don’t like the answer you probably shouldn’t have asked the question.

So, tell me, gentle Lady, why should I even bother to read any of the proposed referenda? Will “they” signal which way I should vote? Better yet, why not “them” vote”

Here’s a thought.

Rightly or wrongly, Florida elections resemble a cluster fluck. They are worthy of afternoon television. Why not let “them” decide what is beast for us? That way we can save the cost of the election and the opprobrium and obloquy which reaches either new heights or new depths whenever we vote. Watching a Florida election is like watching an episode of the Gong Show on steroids, opioids, cum crack.

Do you think the God Damn rat bastard Russkies are continuing their tradition, a tradition that was begun successfully in 1932, of interfering in our elections?  It is a situation up with which I will not put. 

But back to why I write.

Your Jeffrey Schweers, listed as a special correspondent, apparently doesn’t feel special or comfortable enough to put a return address on his by-line so I write to you.

On Page 10A, he writes a fascinating sentence which I must quote in its entirety with the italics being mine.

“As Florida faces the challenge of feeding 30 million people

by 2035, Wilton Simpson, a Republican of Trilby who is in line

to be Senate President, hopes to bring back information that

 can shape future policy.”

Does that include recipes? I presume it bans all GMOs – genetically modified foods – which reminds me that we should ban carrots, broccoli, potatoes, wheat, and while we’re at it, how about revoking the Nobel Prize that Norman Borlaug won? I’ll make an exception for broccoli.

Is your votary putting the kibosh on Bernie Sanders? Bernie the Bolshie touts the wonders of Socialism but how is Florida supposed to feed 30,000,000 people in 15 years if Cuba and Venezuela can’t feed 41,000,000 people today? The evidence of our own eyes suggests that there are 3 problems common to Cuba and Venezuela. To show that I am the most multi-culturally inclusive guy since Kipling let me toss in Zimbabwe and North Korea. And, because I am reading “The River War” by Churchill, that curmudgeonly Imperialist, Sudan. Those problems are #1 – Breakfast #2 - #2 – Lunch - #3 – Dinner.

Or is he hoping for better results the next time, with this time being when really smart, and I mean really, really smart, people get to run the unicorn ranch, cook the rainbow stew, and tend to the balloon juice vines? It is, forgive me, a well-known fact that  socialist countries are judged not on how well they run things but, rather on how well they say they will run things. 

A “turd in the punch bowl” inconvenient fact, a fact that has the added power of being empirically and data-driven true, is that 5 years into the New Deal, FDR’s policies had made the country worse off than it was when he put his well-intended thumb on the scale.

I think your Mr. Schweers is a bit too subtle by half for me. That’s why I’m keeping my manatee traps. Unborn female sushi, paired with some $2 Buck Chuck Red Blend and all I can do is quote the still legendary Big Mike from Bayonne, “That’s why you never see anybody swimming to Cuba”

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET