Stephen L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel

August 24, 2011

Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: New Tea Party outrage! Red men give Black men the boot! Kemo Sabe wants to know wazupwidat.
My dear Professor.
In my Western travels I came across what may be the worst offense yet to have been caused by the accursed Tea Party.
It seems that the “sovereign” Cherokee nation, a nation soon to be part of the Security Council of the beloved United Nations, a nation with a better credit rating than its former keeper, has decided to deport their ubermenschen. [And I’ll bet you thought Arizona was hard on undocumented visitors]
The evil White man exiled the noble Red man from the Eastern United States in 1838. They were allowed to take their personal property with them. They took their Black slaves. After all, somebody had to clean the teepee when Chief Kickapoo was talking to Manitou.
Fast forward to today.
Descendants of those Black slaves, long considered Cherokees, have been voted off the island. Not only have they been denied more than 150 years of a common heritage of scalping, cattle rustling, and buffalo hunting they are now cut off from owning casinos.
Who but a Sarah Palin could have orchestrated such an evil symphony? That she was able to turn these irenic Noble Savages into heartless rotters is a testament to her growing demonic power. Say what you will about the excesses of the Salem witch trial but when was the last time you had a witch problem there? Let’s not rule it out for her.
I tell you because you are my favorite ink-stained modern American Liberal wretch. I hope you will rally to the cause of these Diaspora bound Black/Red men. I know of your concern for tran-gendered, nongendered, u-gendered, and degendered teens. Imagine being Black and Red and trending androgynous. Oh, the horrors of it!
At the very least you can reach out to Broward’s resident Hecate, Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, our own Medusa wanabee, to save some shovel ready jobs in Summer of Recovery 2. Maybe you could get some of Florida’s own abos, the Seminoles, the Osceolas, and the fiercely feral Fugowis to teach these displaced persons how to hire Eye-Ties to run their soon to be built casinos. The first one featuring a nightly replay of Little Big Horn will be so popular it will be able to put a triple zero slot on its roulette table.

I hope that these not quite Red men don’t get the Wounded Knee treatment. As the paradigmatic template used to measure guilty White men I want you to open your modern American Liberals bag of tricks to help these undeserving victims of life’s circumstances. It’s not too late to prevent a replay of Last of the Mohicans.
I was going to sign off on this when word reached me in Texas, the Reddest of the Blessed Red states, of the earthquake in Washington. I am sure that the spirit of Woodward and Bernstein lives on. If you set some of your more inquiring hounds on the trail – What’s Janet Cook doing these days? Can you find any of Walter Duranty’s spawn? – I am sure you will find the fine hand of Halliburton behind the sudden shift of tectonic plates, not Teutonic plates as Birdbrain Bozo Barack said.
Where was Congressman West when the Richter scale went minor league berserk? How about Senator Rubio? You know that there are no coincidences in political life. Don’t you think it a bit too passing strange that Darth Cheney’s bilious bio, “Snarling Lies I Told The American People” is published and then the Washington Monument cracks?
Do you know if Van Jones, the Blackest Green man man in America, will speak at the 10th anniversary of the WOG terrorist attack?




Kevin Smith