Michael Putney The Miami Herald

October 31, 2012
Michael Putney
The Miami Herald

RE: As the legendary Big Mike from Bayonne still says, “What a country! That’s why never see anybody swimming to Cuba.” Some comments on your election column in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Putney,

Any column that begins with a back-handed swipe at the – Whodathunk – First Amendment and ends with a bow to Winston Churchill is worthy of a not quite resounding Huzzah. Relax. A muted Huzzah is better than any Harrumph.

[Is it possible that you, as a big time media mogul, could get me an absentee ballot from Miami/Dade so I could vote against Keon Hardeman, Esq.? I was once involved in a nasty dispute with Lawyer A. Lawyer B advised me against suing him. “Give him a beating in the parking lot” was his advice Lawyer Hardemon’s performance on your Sunday show is an example how sound the wisdom of Fat Jack was. And is. The only good thing to come out of it has now become an iron rule: In any contest between an ex-stewardess and a head up his ass lawyer always vote for the stewardess.]

As to the First Amendment and the Citizens United decision…

What is your problem with George Soros spending his own money to promote his political beliefs? It’s not like he is a cousin of the Koch Brothers.

Shouldn’t the SEIU – they’re the guys wearing the purple shirts that beat up old Black guys in wheelchairs, remember? – be able to take money from their members and promote candidates who advance their causes?

Are there any other parts of the First Amendment that don’t pass the Putney smell test?

Strict constructionists use the First Amendment when defending “Piss Christ” and “Corpus Cristi”. Not too many people wanted to see Nazis marching through Skokie shouting “Todt Juden” but the First Amendment begins with “Congress shall make no law…”

My plan to burn a Koran – Why are the Allahdamned things always “sacred”? - wrapped in an American flag with a bucket of pig pee nearby in case the fire spreads has failed to gain any media backing. When I go forward with it I expect the First Amendment to be my protector. I expect you to be in the front row, pike in hand, sounding like Voltaire.

Which leads me to another observation.

Where is the modern American Liberal uproar over the jailing of the film maker who portrayed Mohammed in a less than sterling manner? I guess he let his membership in the Hollywood Ten lapse. Can we assign him to a permanent Black List? I guess it depends on whose Gore is being oxed.

“When you’ve cut down every law to get the Devil where
would you hide when he turned round to face you? I’d give
the Devil the benefit of the law for my own safety’s sake.”

Which leads me to Churchill…

Full disclosure requires me to reveal that I am President of the local chapter of Churchill Forever. It is a situation up with which I will put.

Lady Astor, his American born piñata, observed that rumors of Churchill’s drinking in his underground HQ had reached Parliament.

“Mr. Churchill, it is said that the contents of the bottles of cognac and Champagne you have drunk would fill half these rooms.”

“So much work done; so much work to be done” was his wistful reply.

I’ll save the common denominator of the White House middle of the night gambol and the House of Commons urinal for a different time.






KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET




PS – It will be safe to wear pink tomorrow.