November 7, 2013
Letter to the Editor
The Sun Sentinel

RE: When the phalanx is being formed who should be in the front line? Further thoughts on the Miami Dolphins BullyGate crisis.

Sirs,

“Unit cohesion” was one of the buzz-words used by vast numbers of Right-Wing conspirators opposed to homosexuals, lesbians, transgendered, regendered, ungendered, and non-gendered personnel being put into combat situations. Indeed these insufferable, insensitive louts did not want them in any branch of the services.

Red neck comments about “I got your back”, “Don’t drop the soap”, “I-You-We-They will “bring up the rear” abounded.

Personally, I would like to see a chorus line from La Cage aux Folles go over the top, bayonets only, at a Taliban stronghold. A phalanx of stiletto heels, slit dresses, 2 pound eye lids, and hair big enough to house bats might just cause the WOGs to panic.

“Unit cohesion” doesn’t stop at the barracks door. And, lest we forget, “…men in barricks ain’t plaster saints.”

Locker rooms – And how long before the cry is heard to have unisex locker rooms, including group hot tubs and rub downs? - have a code.

Performers are at the top of the food chain. Loud and profane, calm and temperate…as long as they produce they are the Alpha males.

Discipline and dedication are in the mix.

While I am bound and determined not to be cliché-ridden it is indeed fitting and proper to proclaim that there still is not “I” in team

Winning locker rooms will tolerate almost anything. Losing locker rooms less so.

NFL teams in Florida have a combined record of 4 and 20 with the Dolphins having all the wins.

I believe that today the Tampa Bay and the Jacksonville locker rooms are in better shape than the Dolphins’. They know that they are just plain awful. If they were horses their next stop would be the glue factory.

The Bucs and the Jags will now play, as is oft-times said, for pride. Individual players will play for next year’s salary. Neither team will go winless.
The Dolphins’ locker room will soon make a dozen rabid, rutting wolverines in a broom closet seem like a day at the beach. The reason is simple: They are mediocre.

Unlike Jonathan Martin who “went to Stanford and likes classic literature and listens to classical music” Incognito is probably not familiar with the 4 Source Theory of Pentateuch Composition. He is most conversant with the life lessons learned at the skills school of Conrad Dobler and Bob St. Clair. Plus, he has great tattoos.

In the funny world of modern American Liberalism the ideal sport would be one where every game ends in a scoreless tie.

Alas, the real world, the world of “stones are hard and water is wet”, does not tolerate such clap-trap nonsense.

The real world is made up of sharp edges, sharper elbows, and big time ass kickings, be they physical or mental. The guy who convinces himself and then convinces his teammates that we might as well win is the guy who gets to hold up the trophy and make a fool of himself on national TV.

Seal Team 6, the Israeli Air Force, the Chicago Mercantile Exchange, the gymnastics team that Juia, my 8 year old granddaughter and Texas State Champion practices at, the English department of any New England college, the editorial department of a small newspaper just emerging from bankruptcy into the glaring klieg lights of a heartlessly exploding Internet [Thanks, Al] getting your kid into the “right” school, anybody who has been 2 down with 3 to go in a $1000 Nassau, handing the pen to the customer and telling him to sign…all are text book labs for bullying and objective survival skills that would make Darwin proud.

Why in the names of Dick Butkus, Jack Lambert, and Ronnie Lott should the hot house of the Dolphins be different?

Maybe Jonathan Martin can be the poster boy for ObamaCare feel good, “Why can’t we all get along” seminars.

Incognito wants to stomp on the nearest guy wearing a different color jersey, then tear his heart out and eat it.

It is the difference between being a Hoplite or a Helot.

When it’s 3rd and 12 who would you want?


Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET