July 5, 2016

Mayor Philip Levine

1700 Convention Center Drive

Miami Beach, FL 33139

Mr. Mayor, 

Up until the part when you said that Mrs. Clinton was “happy” to meet with the FBI you were conducting yourself like a good modern American Liberal lap dog. You never let facts interfere with your superbly scripted, talking points only, interview on the Maria Bartiromo show this morning.

That single line put you in early contention for the highly coveted award of

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR.

I can tell you from up close and personal experience that no one is ever “happy” to be on the receiving end of any questions asked by any government agency, particularly when you are under oath and the man on the other side of the table is not smiling.

Then you said that she “got” things done.

Shall we count the ways? OK, OK, just some of them.

Did you mean her successful uncovering of the “vast Right-Wing conspiracy”?

Did you mean her total support of the Defense of Marriage Act? 

How about that magical “reset” moment with the Russkie ambassador?

Her serpentine evasion of Serbian mortar shells in Bosnia?

Her daughter’s miraculous escape from death at the hands of Islamic terrorists on 9/11/01?

Her telling the mother of a dead American diplomat that she would “get” the murderer?

Her world class talent to cackle like a crazed bruja or bark like a bitch whelp in estrus? 

You used Yiddish terms on TV this morning. Maybe you can get some pictures of Hillary’s grandson’s briss. I can’t get any info on it. Assuming he had it done, it would be a true Summer of Recovery for the mohel, right?

One more thing.

I have read Michele Obama’s senior thesis on Black pulchritude in America. If she had not mastered tautologies she would have no thinking capacity at all. Martin Luther King’s dissertation at least had the benefit of having some great speeches in it. Bill Cosby’s work is unreadable. Dip it in lemon juice, nuke it in the microwave, and hold it up to the mirror and it still makes no sense. At the very least copies were available. 

Hillary Clinton, nee Rodham, wrote about Saul Alinsky, the noted community activist. You could get a pulled pork sandwich, some cold lobster, and 6 well iced Blue Points or Chincoteagues at the new grandson’s briss before you could read about her and Solly.

Can you get me a copy?

I saw you on “This Week in South Florida”, the Sunday morning talk show hosted superbly well by Michael Putney. You talk about how you are able to fight the rising sea levels, a phenomenon caused by polar bear drowning fossil fuel burning, by the use of super pumps. [Aren’t the vile Koch Brothers behind it?] Let me ask the question yet again. You and your employees have not answered my question.

Where does the water go?

If you pump it East it will come back quicker than you can get rid of it. Same with pumping it North. If you pump it South you are going to have a lot of pissed-off citizens of Homestead yelling at you. If you pump it West into Biscayne Bay may I see a copy of the environmental impact statement you filed? Will these super pumps adversely affect the manatees? We know that everything always adversely affects the manatees  [Can I announce my support of Darwin and the survival of the fittest and suggest it’s time for these useless sea slugs to go?] If guilty 1 %ers, mostly White, didn’t throw week old arugula at them they would starve so do you have plans to house the homeless manatees and retrain them?

Where the Hell does the water go?

Maybe you should ask Hillary. She “gets things done”, right?

Kevin Smith

PS – One more, one more last thing. Is it ISIS or is it ISIL? Which one is the JV?