June 4, 2017

Mayor Jack Seiler

City Hall

100 North Andrews Aveneu

Ft. Lauderdale. FL 33301

Mayor Seiler,

First of all, I want my $20 back. I sent you the dough to give to the guy who feeds the homeless. I figure that makes him the only true Christian in the joint. Send it back because based on your quotes in today’s Sun Sentinel and your later appearance on Putney’s TV show you are a horse’s ass of Homeric, indeed Brobdanaglian proportions, and probably incapable of counting past 20 unless you are in the shower. By the way, don’t forget to take your shoes off before you turn the water on.

There is a pernicious rum or going around that you were graduated from a supposedly major university and that you are an attorney.

Did you ever take any History courses?

Did you ever read the Constitution?

You say, as if there no adults reading the story, that you will continue to obey the protocols of the Paris Climate Accord. [Pop quiz – Why wasn’t it submitted to the Senate as the Constitution requires, for its advice and consent? Just asking.]

But wait. There’s more.

Does the Florida Constitution and the Ft. Lauderdale charter allow you to conduct foreign policy?

Also, despite the shrill, Noah-like Jeremiads about rising sea levels, have the values of waterfront properties gone down? Shouldn’t you, as Mayor, begin to plan for drastically reduced tax revenues. If, as you like to say, the “science is settled” what will we do when the tsunami of hotel tax dollars and traffic ticket revenues, so to speak, dry up?

Do you think Fanny Mae should continue to buy those mortgages?

Should the people of Iowa continue to insure those properties?

Wouldn’t it be a Section 10b5 violation – you are a lawyer, aren’t you? – one involving civil fraud, if you failed to disclose material information about these risks?

President Trump will not be sending any of the $3,000,000,000 to the poltroons who run the Paris Climate Accord. That’s the first installment on the swag that Obama promised. Should the good citizens of our fair city, along with concerned citizens of other similarly inclined cities, try to make up the difference by raising taxes? That only seems fair, right?

Speaking of foreign policy, did you support Obama’s “red line in the sand” statement about Syria and poison gas?

Would you have supported 3 Presidents in 48 years – all Democrats and thus all modern American Liberals – who promised “never to send American boys to fight in foreign wars”?

Take your time. Plus, it’s an open book test.

Lay off the gin when you take your AM meds.

Kevin Smith

PS – I know you are worried about the drowning polar bears. So are lot of your constituents. May I suggest that you turn off all the A/Cs in municipal buildings for the next 4 months to show your solidarity with them? And how about banning private cars for getting to and from work? You go first. The people, particularly the city employees, will love it and you. I’m betting the over on whether you need more than one hand to find yur ass, OK? Don’t forget my $20?