February 18, 2018

Irela Bague

The Bague Group

15 Madeira Avenue #6

Coral Gables, FL 33134

RE: So much ca-ca in such a small space – Some comments on your mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel on Climate change and the unspoken curse of Vivaldi [Vivaldi? Send a SASE] in today’s Sun Sentinel.

Ms. Bague,

So there is no misunderstanding, so there is no room for even a scintilla of doubt, your Jeremiad-type screed on the horror, the horror of GlobalCoolingGlobalWarming et al will become the paradigmatic template, the sine qua non of the Professor Irwin Corey inspired psycho-babble that modern American Liberals use as a substitute for thought lest their brains shrivel up completely and be expelled through all available functioning cranial orifices. Think projectile vomiting through your eyes and ears.

As the Great Dr. Johnson once said, “Such stupidity, sir, is not to be found in nature”. Sweetheart, he never met you.

You say, as if facts, the scientific method, and History, that old bete-noire of addle brained twits who, absent tautologies, really would have ca-ca in their skulls, “Last year, the US experienced over 300 billion [that’s $300,000,00,00] dollars in damages caused by severe weather events. Scientists continue to warn that climate change will increase and intensify these events”.

Quien sabe, but your numbers may be correct. Several thoughts emerge.

#1 – Thank God for insurance.

#2 – Are the values of beachfront, water front, or littoral property going down in Florida? Are banks still making mortgages on such properties? Do you think it is “inconceivable and irresponsible” for American taxpayers to guarantee mortgages and insurance policies on such properties?

I am going to go out on a limb here but I will bet that you don’t know what ended the last Ice Age and what was the catalyst for the Renaissance. Give up? Climate Change in the form of Global Warming.

I am blessed to say that I have heard some of Bach’s Golden Oldies played on instruments built by Stradivarius. [Put that on your bucket list]

I am willing to wager all that I won on the last bet plus a few more black chips that you don’t know the one external factor that caused his instruments, all of which were built 

In the late 17^th century, to sell for up to 5 million dollars [$5,000,000] Give up? Climate Change in the form of the medieval mini Ice Age. 

1,500,000 years ago, the Yellowstone Basin exploded ending life on earth as it was then known. 750,000 years ago, the Yellowstone Basin exploded ending life on earth as it was then known. I don’t want to be known as the guy who cried wolf and I am not telling you to eschew green bananas but we are in the time envelope labeled déjà vu all over again.

1820 was known as the year that summer never came to Boston. Why is that? Here’s a hint. It snowed in June and July that year.

3 years after the OPEC-like whale oil cartel, with all the despoilers being in Massachusetts, tripled the price of its product the industry entered its death throes. Want to know why? Send a SASE.

What caused the loudest sound ever heard, ever, in the History of the world in 1883? SASE again.

It snowed to excess in 1888 and 1947. Why? 

There was a hurricane in 1908 in Galveston that killed 10,000+ people. What caused that? Ditto for Miami in1925. Also, the East Coast in 1937. 

How does Mount Washington get winds in excess of 240 miles an hour?

Where did the 1930s Dust Bowl come from?

I thank you for bringing out my elitist tinged curmudgeon side.

You commit the requisite sin of non-thinkers everywhere when you confusingly conflate causation and correlation. 25 centuries ago the Greeks quantified this Logical fallacy. It is better known by its Roman name POST HOC ERGO PROPTER HOC. Without its help you would be forced to, forgive me, think. 

You may wish to familiarize yourself with the Trivium, the capstone of which is Logic. It is another gift from DWEMs, a fountain from which all the graces of civilization flow. It is a spring from which there is no evidence you have ever quaffed. I don’t wish to damn you with faint praise but I don’t think you have ever heard of it.

I wondered through the web site of the Bague Group. I am pretty sure you are a lobbyist but the surrounding persiflage is so obfuscatory because most lobbyists don’t like to admit to it. 

Sursum corda! Be proud and be of good cheer. Yours is the only profession both recognized and recommended by the Constitution of the United States. Send another SASE and I’ll tell you where.

But wait. There’s more.

It’s a small thing, no bigger than a man’s fist on the horizon, but it’s like a fart in church or a turd in a punch bowl. It just sits there.

Your web site has a tantalizing headline. “Who we work for” shows that you are neither lobbying for the estate of Henry Fowler nor the estates of Strunck & White. “For” is a preposition. It requires something in the objective case. Next time try “whom”. It is like the classic Seinfeld episode where a de-trousered George Costanza is slobbering on the floor and Jerry says, “And you wanted to be my latex salesman”. Like I said, no big deal. Just like there’s no big difference between chicken salad and chicken shit.

Kevin Smith

PS – Climate Change – “the biggest threat humanity will face in the next century”. For clarity’s sake, with clarity not being your strong suit, do you mean this century or the 22^nd?

If ever there were a perfect example of “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” you said it. “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”? Send a SASE, you boob.