Michael Mayo The Sun-Sentinel

July 31, 2011

Michael Mayo
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: Debbie and the Colonel – Some comments about your column about a saint and a knave in today’s Sun-Sentinel

Mr. Mayo,

There is one constant about modern American Liberals.
They never let you down.
I was reading your column about the brouhaha between perky, snippy Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and boorish, insensitive Congressman Alan West. When I got to the part about Little Debbie being “courageous” because she’s had cancer and had a friend shot I stopped to marvel at what passes for reasoned discourse these days.
Another constant of modern American Liberals is that the absence of knowledge of the “permanent things” allows, indeed encourages, the morphing of their innate narcissism into a warm, fuzzy solipsism. Think “We are the World…”
You say her speech is “benign”. Not so, not so. She is, to use one of her favorite words, “literally” incapable of being benign. She gives rabid shrews a bad name. Kipling would have recognized her as Nagaina, the queen of all vipers.
She has said the Republicans “literally” want to bring flogging, the strapado, and the vigorous dunking of shrill female ideologues. Giving the devil her due but she may be on to something.
One of Cossack wanabee Debbie’s favorite words is literally “literally”. It would suggest that her academic background in English Grammar and Composition was of the non-traditional type. Perhaps she was a correspondence student at the prestigious Rangoon School of Proctology and Origami. Wherever she studied she makes both Strunck & White cringe.
If Debbie’s ailments and travails “literally” make her courageous what honors can I expect?
I have had cancer 3 times. The last operation left a scar so memorable that my granddaughter used me and it in a show and tell session at Lovejoy Elementary School in Allen, Texas. Let me add atrial fibrilation lead to congestive heart failure for which I was treated less than a month ago. Two titanium hips plus a bone on bone knee prepared me for two torn rotator cuffs – one on each side, thankfully. Tomorrow, early in the AM, a urologist gets a shot at me.
I have a hangnail and dandruff compared to my wife.

As an aside, I can’t wait for full blown ObamaCare. [Do you remember when Debbie wanted that word struck from debate in the House? I forget. Was it “bile” or its evil twin “vitriol”?] Why do you think we have had an explosion in the number of TSA agents? Can you think of better training for Death Panel work? When the Post Office collapses the ex-employees will run it. Somebody will have to deliver the one way tickets for the nighttime cruises on the River Styx. A “shovel ready” job will be done by DMV agents. It’s tough to convince Granny and Gramps to get into senior power lifting so they can compete in the python wrestling contests. As masters of customer service who is better qualified? The real estate recovery will be led by the explosion of time share abattoirs and ossuaries in the “undiscovered country”
My last gun fight was in 1993. The first officer was dead before he hit the ground. The officer whose life I saved had a hole the size of a twenty five cent piece just off his sternum.
Even though I know that Jimmy Carter, Alpha Gump, and Lord Barack the Beneficent have debased and greatly cheapened the Nobel Prize I would gladly accept the soon to be created prize for Courage. Maybe my wife and I could be the Brad and Angelina of the newly Valiant and Courageous.
I saved the best for the last.
Little Debbie says she is shocked and disappointed at Congressman West’s reaction to her comments on the floor of the House. She says it is called “debate”. Further, she says “it’s our job”.
Shades of Cato! Burke/Fox and Webster/Hayne redux?
I’ve writing to you since the last century.
Do you recall any threats?
I ask you that because maybe you can get her to explain why she sent 2 Florida Department of Law Enforcement agents, men with badges and gun, to my house on September 18, 2001. Agent Thomas, the “good cop”, said he enjoyed my writings and shared them with other officers. Agent Mineva, the “bad cop”, strongly suggested not only that I stop writing to Czarina Debbie but that I stop writing to all public officials.
Slippery Slope? Don’t be silly
Chilling effect? Fuhgedaboutit.
Hell hath no fury like a modern American wench who objects being objected to.
I consider it my “job”.
She considered it a “threat”.
I would say “existential” threat but for a woman who claims to have 2 degrees in Political Science to have gotten this far in life with no knowledge – none, zip, nada – of Natural Law, Common Law, or Constitutional Law “existential” would have put entirely too much on her plate.
It didn’t take much for the world to find out where Congressman West lived. Her friends, doubtless purple shirted SEIU thugs, posted his address, phone number, Social Security number, blood type, rifle number, shoe size, boxer or briefs, one lump or two, inter alia, on the Internet. [Let me take this opportunity to thank Alpha Gump, that old sexed crazed poodle, for inventing it] Say this for him. Unlike her pal Congressman Toad Wexler he lives in Florida.
You end by saying that if the good Colonel were to apologize to Florida’s favorite Hecate the debt ceiling will be raised, Wong, our increasingly nasty Mandarin moneylender, will forgive us our debts, and “the voice of the turtle will be heard in the land”.
Eliot, yet another Nobel Prize winner, said “In our end is our beginning”.
I began today’s tutorial by saying that ”modern American Liberals never let you down”.
Thank you for the perfect ending.


Kevin Smith