Margaret Carlson Bloomberg News

October 28, 2011
Margaret Carlson
Bloomberg News
1399 New York Avenue
Washington, DC 20005

RE: The rise of “working class” status as a necessary stepping stone to success as a modern American Liberal politician – Some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald.

Ms. Carlson,

First, I won’t mention that you called all overseas deployed American military personnel “tax cheats” after the 2000 election. Some of them may have come home and gone back. Some of them may have been wounded. Some of them may have been killed. As an aside, will there be an asterisk on the headstone if the GI died in the “good” war under Obama rather than the “bad” war under Bush?

Don’t you think it passing strange that Obama’s foreign policy successes consist of Americans shooting bad guys, one of whom was an American citizen, in the head? Was GITMO filled? Wouldn’t the Arab world become Baptist if we had captured bin Laden and sent him to re-hab.

Your desire to see Vice President Alpha Gump, he of the unreleased shakra and tumescent poodle fame, get into the White House in 2000 was such that you tossed out a blood libel as if it were yesterday’s newspaper. Being a modern American Liberal means that lying is good if it produces a desired end. Having no knowledge of the “permanent things” makes it easier.

Your later apology, “I’m sorry if I offended anyone”. Is typical of the breed.

But, as I promised, that’s not why I write to you today.

The major premise of your article on Curly Biden – I call him Curly in honor of the smartest stooge – is that he isn’t a world class, call the Guinness hotline, horse’s ass.

You’re wrong.

He is.

Whom do you think told the President that there were 57 or 58 states? Who told B.O. about Austrian, the glorious language of Goethe and Hitler?

He wears his Chia Pet hair proudly. His teeth, made from ivory taken from elephants that died peacefully in their dotage, glisten and gleam.

In the end, to paraphrase Johnson – Samuel, not Lyndon – “the man’s a boob and that’s an end to it”.

Twice you use the term “working class” as if it were a call to prayer or as evidence of miracles sure to happen.

You say that Curly Biden was “born into a working class family”. Later in your article you say that Hillary Clinton would be good for Obama because she would “shore up his standing with ‘working class’ white women”. Why you exclude black, café-au-lait, oriental or unclassified swarthy 3rd worlders is not explained. Do you think Hillary could get some wavering Tea Partiers to vote for B.O.?

If “working class” or its evil twin “blue collar” is a necessary first step to political success as a modern American Liberal how did the Kennedys overcome their lack of it? Congressman Patrick Kennedy, son of Tosspot Ted, AKA Senator Lard Kennedy, would not know the business end of a shovel from a ball peen hammer .Can you picture him shaping up on a loading dock? How did Senator Rockefeller become Senator Rockefeller? Did he burn his family’s money? Nancy D’Alessandro Pelosi’s family had so much cash that people could commit suicide by jumping off her father’s swag bags. The only “blue collar” these people were familiar with came from Brooks Brothers. Later, Ralph Lauren took over.

The Vice President, the only man I know who can put his foot in his mouth and his head up his ass simultaneously, attended Auchmere Academy. [His classmates still call him “Cheesedick”.] Thel tuition now is $25,000. I don’t k now what it was when he went there but I guarantee you that he never took any shop classes or carpentry courses.

As to Hillary Clinton’s “working class” connections, I must ask you if we are talking about the publically abused wife of Handsome Billy from Hot Springs. He was also known as Big Bill, King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes, when he was in the White House having “a bit of the gobble” with Monica before he sold pardons and stole the silverware.

If memory serves, her father paid for her to go to 2 of the most expensive schools on the planet. There is no record of either scholarship assistance or student loans. A “blue collar working class” ‘60s chick would have had both. Perhaps she was so traumatized by her lack of “working class” credentials that she wrote her senior thesis on Saul Alinsky.

Her attempts to crash the sit down to pee glass ceiling are closely tied to her husband’s political career.

A cynic might point out that she was hired by the largest law firm in Arkansas – Is that like being the world’s tallest midget? – after her husband was elected Attorney General. Would it brand me as a cad if I were to point out that she was made a partner after her husband was elected Governor?

The trailer parks in Posssum Fart, Arkansas are filled with “working class” broads. That these ladies have gotten this far in life without the wonders of modern dentistry is a testament to American exceptionalism. They regularly turn $1,000 into $100,000 in the cattle futures market. They stay in their “double wides” – their Air Streams, not their asses – to hide their wealth.

Only in America can a “working class” lady, one who testified that she had no knowledge of how a business is supposed to be run –Whitewater, remember? – be asked to serve on the Board of Directors of TCBY and WAL*MART. Would you think less of me if I were to suggest that her husband, then the Governor, flung her through the glass ceiling? The facts would support the interpretation that he wanted her out of the house so he could have advanced saxophone lessons.

I just put on my “vast Right-Wing conspirator” cap. It is my way of honoring Hillary. Her quest to find out who bankrolled the hit job on her husband is going as well as OJ’s search for the real killers. I twice transited Delaware this week. My hat for Curly Biden was “I’m With Stupid”.

I have a nephew who is being deployed to Afghanistan. Should he vote early and often? Since you don’t want his vote to count in this country would it be OK for him to register in Kandahar?




Kevin Smith