Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

December 14, 2011
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026

Dearest Darling Debbie Debbie,

First, I love your hair. You are a trend setter in the “All I Want for Christmas is my own Medusa Barbie”.

Second, it may be an inconvenient truth to modern American Liberals of whom you are the paradigmatic template but numbers are hard and fast things.

Think of “3 strikes” or “First and 10”. For the more cerebral there is always pi, 3.1416. One way to raise test scores in geometry would be to make pi 3.0. Alas, the good intentions of educators who think student self-esteem is the reason for schools would not be good for future bridge construction.

[As an aside, my daughter was .008 short of graduating with honors. That’s why yardsticks are still 36 inches long. Case closed.]

The question you were asked on TV was “Is unemployment higher today than when Obama took office” for which there are but 2 answers. They are “Yes” or “No”. Any other answer would be akin to the gynecologist telling you that you were a little bit pregnant.

Empirical evidence – the evidence of your own eyes, things that are as real as your boot – evidence of which 100% metaphysical certitude is possible tells us, in fact it screams at us, that the answer is “Yes”.

When Obama was sworn in the unemployment rate was X%... Whatever methodology is used if the answer is more than X% it must be higher. If I am going too fat for you just tell me. I’ll type slowly and I’ll use block letters...

Notwithstanding the not quite shovel ready shovel ready jobs, notwithstanding the increasing reliance on an increasingly unreliable and increasingly menacing Ming, the mendacious Mandarin moneylender, anything but “Unemployment is higher” is poppycock packaged in persiflage. I need not add obfuscatory persiflage because that is the only kind you deal in.

You have updated the Democratic Party playbook, one that is replete with palm cards, bullet voting, cemetery voters, inter alia, to include public lying on a scale not seen since the halcyon days of Big Bill Clinton, the King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes. Your saying that unemployment is not higher than when Obama was sworn in reminds me of the great Jimmy Durante. In a movie he is trying to steal a 10 foot tall elephant. He is tip-toeing out of the tent with Dumbo in tow. A policeman says, “What are you doing with that elephant?” “Elephant?” says the great Schnozola, “What elephant?”

What you engage in is not Rhetoric, an honorable term. It is Sophistry, a dishonorable term. Since you claim to have Master’s Degree in Political Science, a degree that once was impossible to get without working knowledge of the agora and the forum you should be aware of the difference.

Two things:

#1 – Putz is used in a non-gender specific way.
#2 – You have caused me to bring back my Year End Honors’ List.

Accordingly, you are hereby named the first winner of 2011. The honor of being proclaimed

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

is not to be taken lightly.

Wear your laurels proudly, particularly if they cover your hair.




KEVIN SMITH


PS – You may want to consult with Vice President Curley Biden about his Chia-Pet hair transplants. Senator Levin, he of the armpit comb over, would not be a good role model for you.