Thursday, December 29, 2011

JOHN STUART MILL

“SOCIALISM IS THE END OF ALL INVENTION;
IT IS THE HAPPY FACE OF SLAVERY.
MANKIND ARE GREATER GAINERS BY
SUFFERING EACH OTHER TO LIVE AS
SEEMS GOOD TO THEMSELVES THAN
BY COMPELLING THEM TO LIVE AS
SEEMS GOOD TO THE REST.”

JOHN STUART MILL

Friday, December 23, 2011

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

December 23, 2011
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026

RE: Never apologize. It’s a sign of weakness. Besides, what’s wrong with an ad hominem argument if it’s true and you really mean it? Some comments on Congressman Sensenbrenner and Mrs. Obama’s soon to be Spandexed bum.

Dear Darling Debbie, Debbie,

I write to you because it’s that time of the year again and I want to share some winter solstice good feelings with you.

It appears that Congressman Sensenbrenner, himself a “calorically challenged” average White man, has apologized to today’s poster child of the conspicuous consumption of the nouveau riche, Michele Obama, for saying she had a “large posterior”. I hope he said she had a fat ass. “Posterior” should only be used when reading x-rays.

Does Michele have a fat ass?

Not yet.

What she has is “big butt” potential that borders on the Homeric.

Her first attainable goal is Aretha Franklin. You may remember when she sang at Bill Clinton’s inaugural. She wore a fur coat that “deminked” Idaho. Whenever she had to haul ass she needed a big wheel barrel and two gallons of Gorilla Glue to keep her in it. She went to the hospital a few months ago for eating a pound of uncooked sausage and a dozen Moon Pies still in its original shipping container. The ambulance was of no use so a fork lift and a flat-bed truck were summoned. Luckily, a Gardner-Denver drilling rig was nearby or the stomach pumping would not have worked. If I were to mention Aunt Jemima or Ethel Waters Eric Holder, an Attorney General who brings to mind the glory days of Palmer and Reno, would sic his dreaded word police on me so I won’t.

Michele Obama is the reason why Lycra was invented and Spandex was developed. Should she ever have to do her own shopping she would never get out of the candy aisle. Once she learns how to ignore the wrapping the world record for eating Mr. Goodbars would be hers. She is going to put Big & Tall and Ms. Plus size on speed dial.

When they are evicted from the White House and she begins to have whole hams swimming in 5 gallons of red gravy for breakfast her and B.O’s horizontal tangoes will be spoken of in biblical terms. He will have to strap a 2x4 by 4 feet onto his waist lest he go AWOL.

You know me to be to be an erudite polemicist, one who is as familiar with Greece and Rome as I am with the mendacity of Democratic politics in Hudson County and Broward County, and as one who knows how to wring a laugh out of the absurdities of modern American Liberalism and its public practitioners. You know that I lace my letters to you with literary and Historical references. I shan’t do that after today. The reason is simple: I used to think you were smart what with 2 degrees in Political Science. It is now obvious that some of those credits were transferred in from the Columbia Broadcasting School of Sophistry and the Rangoon School of Proctology.

I apologize for saying anything but “Ain’t Biden stupid”. If I were to it would be casting pearls before swine.

Do you remember when Amiri Baraka, nee Leroi Jones, noted Democratic urban activist, said that “Condoleezza was a skeeza”? “Skeeza” is hip-hop, inner city Black shorthand for an inner city Black skank whore. On bad days her pustules and fistulas would be oozing a combination of proteins, amino acids, and an alien primordial substance unknown to modern medicine. On good days they would not be in projectile mode. Whatever else can be said about a “skeeza” having a fat ass is not on the short list. Let the record show that the “skeeza” in question was Condoleezza Rice. She was this racist nation’s first Black Secretary of State.

If Baraka the Black Bard didn’t have to apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?

Speaking of fat asses, Hillary Clinton has just crossed the border into Madeline Albright territory. If we could get both of them on “Dancing with the Stars” we wouldn’t need a Neilson meter. We would need a friggin’ Richter scale.

Speaking of not nice things said with no consequences and certainly no remorse shown do you remember when Senator Richard Durbin, still known to his high school gym class chums as “Little Dickie”, said the American GIs were “Nazis”? Do you remember when Congressman Murtha said that Marines were “murderers”?

If Durbin and Murtha didn’t have to apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?

I would be remiss if when the subject is fat asses I didn’t mention Michael Moore. You may recall that around the same time – 9/18/01 - you sent two policemen, men with badges and guns, to my house to “question” me about something I said Fat Mikey said that he only wished that the Islamic thugs had killed more Republicans on 9/11.

Since he didn’t have to apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?

Do you remember when you said, immediately after Congresswoman Giffords was shot, that Right-Wing talk radio [As if there were any other kind], gun lovers, androids in fiefdom to the notorious Koch Brothers, gun lovers, secret members of the hated Federalist Society, people who don’t think that “Midnight Basketball” and “Alternative Shopping” are sound building blocks of public policy provided the climate that allowed the shooter to plot and carry out his heinous crime?

It turns out the Department of Justice, an agency run by an AG who is making Janet Reno into a loveable character, has decided that they cannot bring the alleged perpetrator to trial. The reasons are simple: Since he is unable to understand the charges against him he is incapable of assisting in his own defense.

If you didn’t apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?

You may recall that Ricky Ray Rector was similarly situated. He was deemed expendable. A White governor wanted to be President. He had to be thought of as tough on crime. Plus, frying a Black man would show that he could stand up to them.

It worked.

Just ask President Clinton.

Since the subject is posteriors – asses to the great unwashed – and I have given several examples of Brobdanaglian backsides let me end this on a high note.

There can be no doubt that the most perfect ass in Christendom belongs to and is appropriately displayed by Pippa Middleton. If we can arrange a reverse Lend Lease perhaps we could get her over here to inspire some of our more steatyagonous public officials. If not, how about a country wide road show?

By the way, Biden really is stupid but his wife has a very nice ass.




Kevin Smith

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

December 14, 2011
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026

Dearest Darling Debbie Debbie,

First, I love your hair. You are a trend setter in the “All I Want for Christmas is my own Medusa Barbie”.

Second, it may be an inconvenient truth to modern American Liberals of whom you are the paradigmatic template but numbers are hard and fast things.

Think of “3 strikes” or “First and 10”. For the more cerebral there is always pi, 3.1416. One way to raise test scores in geometry would be to make pi 3.0. Alas, the good intentions of educators who think student self-esteem is the reason for schools would not be good for future bridge construction.

[As an aside, my daughter was .008 short of graduating with honors. That’s why yardsticks are still 36 inches long. Case closed.]

The question you were asked on TV was “Is unemployment higher today than when Obama took office” for which there are but 2 answers. They are “Yes” or “No”. Any other answer would be akin to the gynecologist telling you that you were a little bit pregnant.

Empirical evidence – the evidence of your own eyes, things that are as real as your boot – evidence of which 100% metaphysical certitude is possible tells us, in fact it screams at us, that the answer is “Yes”.

When Obama was sworn in the unemployment rate was X%... Whatever methodology is used if the answer is more than X% it must be higher. If I am going too fat for you just tell me. I’ll type slowly and I’ll use block letters...

Notwithstanding the not quite shovel ready shovel ready jobs, notwithstanding the increasing reliance on an increasingly unreliable and increasingly menacing Ming, the mendacious Mandarin moneylender, anything but “Unemployment is higher” is poppycock packaged in persiflage. I need not add obfuscatory persiflage because that is the only kind you deal in.

You have updated the Democratic Party playbook, one that is replete with palm cards, bullet voting, cemetery voters, inter alia, to include public lying on a scale not seen since the halcyon days of Big Bill Clinton, the King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes. Your saying that unemployment is not higher than when Obama was sworn in reminds me of the great Jimmy Durante. In a movie he is trying to steal a 10 foot tall elephant. He is tip-toeing out of the tent with Dumbo in tow. A policeman says, “What are you doing with that elephant?” “Elephant?” says the great Schnozola, “What elephant?”

What you engage in is not Rhetoric, an honorable term. It is Sophistry, a dishonorable term. Since you claim to have Master’s Degree in Political Science, a degree that once was impossible to get without working knowledge of the agora and the forum you should be aware of the difference.

Two things:

#1 – Putz is used in a non-gender specific way.
#2 – You have caused me to bring back my Year End Honors’ List.

Accordingly, you are hereby named the first winner of 2011. The honor of being proclaimed

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

is not to be taken lightly.

Wear your laurels proudly, particularly if they cover your hair.




KEVIN SMITH


PS – You may want to consult with Vice President Curley Biden about his Chia-Pet hair transplants. Senator Levin, he of the armpit comb over, would not be a good role model for you.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Leonard Pitts, Jr. The Miami Herald

December 4, 2011
Leonard Pitts, Jr.
The Miami Herald

RE: “More Reports on Missing White Woman” – An early, truly astonishing, Christmas present from you, one which you shared with everyone, in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Pitts,

Your column begins with words of compassion for missing White women and their families. The next point you make is a call for Affirmative Action for missing non-White women.

I thought perhaps it was a sign of coming End of Days. But then I realized it was the Logical conclusion to the multitudinous mendacious mantras of modern American Liberalism. For every victim there must be a villain. Since kidnapped non-White women are not given the same amount of media coverage they are victimized twice, once by their abduction and then by media non-attention. Still more proof of the perfidy of Fox News, no?

A Pulitzer Prize winning columnist says all he wants for Christmas is for more non-White women to be kidnapped

God’s Holy Trousers! The inmates are running the asylum. I proclaim that the hatch has a new booby in charge.

And to think that Walter Durant once was the template for the smelly bag test.

I have another thought in re the briar patch of Affirmative Action.

Since 1973 there have been approximately 50,000,000 abortions. Between 35% and 40% of these have been performed on Black women

You mention the lynching of Black men by White men. In the 20th century there have been approximately 3,800 lynchings of Black men by White men. As many as 20,000,000 Black babies have been aborted.

Under the rules of Affirmative Action – “level the playing field”, remember? – should the number of abortions on Black women be halted until the number of abortions
On White women reflects their percentage of the population?

Forget the mainstream White media. Why hasn’t the Black media responded to this Holocaust? No other word can be used when 20,000,000 people are killed. Hitler only got 12,000,000, half of whom were Jews. Stalin and Mao took out far more but we have “reset” relations with the Russkies and we owe the Chinese far too much money to get Wong, our Mandarin moneylender, mad at us
Black women make up about 6% of the population. Perhaps we should set a quota for White abortions. Apparently goals don’t work. Think of the positive effect it would have on the valiant struggle against GlobalCoolingWarmingClimateChange. I am sure there is a formula for the number of abortions that must be preserved to save one drowning polar bear.

Anyway, I thank you for the early Christmas present. The only way to top it will be to start the ObamaCare Death Panels before Christmas.




KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer The Sun-Sentinel

December 3, 2011
Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: “Interest Trumps Ideology” – Some comments on your article today on why the country would be better off if Herman Cain were to be strapped to a rocket flying in pursuit of the Pioneer space probe.

Mr. Lyons,

“…especially my small but earnest fan club that
Routinely blows up my online comment space…”

Curses! “Outed” again!

I felt honored when George Soros came to my house and told me that he had my name on a list that said I was a founding member of the “vast Right-Wing conspiracy”. I immediately fessed up. I also told him that I was a devoted disciple of Edmund Burke and a proud hoplite in the Milton Friedman phalanx.

Your major premise – Blacks are more dependent on the Government – must Logically end with said government being the be all and end all of life. It is a premise against which men have argued since the first days of the agora. It is a premise against which free men and men who wish to be free still argue.

If, as you say, Blacks “are just looking out for their interests”, would not Logic dictate that Blacks should be in the forefront of the fight for school vouchers? We can stipulate that American education, particularly when it is modified by the term “inner city”, a euphemistic term for Black, no, just doesn’t work.

No school district in the universe spends more money per pupil than Washington, D. C. The modern American Liberal mantra of more money equals better schools seems not to be working for residents of Section 8 housing

Have you seen the big yellow school bus pull up in front of the White House?

President B.O. and the Missus, both residents of public housing, have decided it is neither in their best interests nor in the best interests of their daughters for them to attend public school. What’s $70,000 for day school tuition when the guys wh mow the lawn carry Uzis? [I still have an ongoing investigation into whether and Kennedy ever attended any public school anywhere, anytime in the 20th century.]

Is that what you meant by self-interest? I must ask if you are a closet follower of Ayn Rand.

I have long held that the English teacher and the Chemistry teacher should be held to the same standard as the football coach. Further, the universal ethic common to all successful sports teams, the one that rewards performance and punishes failure, is anathema to the union thugs who have huge chunks of the American education system by the “embarrassing short and curlies”.

American Blacks who march lock step to the constant caterwauling of heads up their asses condescending Democrats are acting and voting against their own self-interest.

“The gray geese are flying tonight” is a code that tells all members of the Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer Fan Club to meet at noon at secret place #3 to swear in new members.

All this and before breakfast!

Merry Christmas or a non-denominational Season’s Greetings as the spirit, a culturally neutral spirit, moves you.


KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET