Jeffrey Goldberg The Miami Herald

February 2, 2012

Jeffrey Goldberg
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: “Dog Whistling” – Some comments on your column about how Republicans, rotters all, will goose step us straight to Avernus. Also, they’re really mean because those words mean, as the Red Queen said, exactly what you want them to mean.

Mr. Goldberg,

In the aftermath of Vince Foster, counsel to President Clinton and a very special friend to Hillary Clinton eating his gun, there was a chaotic scene in the White House.

In an effort to protect his client one Bernie Nussbaum, Esq. danced around post mortem police procedure involving securing evidence after a suspicious death. He grabbed so many documents out of Foster’s office that he risked having a hernia. That he inspired Sandy Berger, National Security Advisor, to stuff Top Secret documents into his knickers in the later glory days of the Clinton administration may be apocryphal. It’s such a natural segue that I hope it isn’t.

The White House staff said, over and over ad nauseam, that he was a” New York lawyer”. Imagine if Pat Buchanan had said that! You would have had him producing a Broadway musical based on The Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

“New York lawyer” is a synonym for members of the Bar who are known for their aggressiveness. They tend to like their rib eyes done past medium. They marvel at the magic in Chinese restaurants that changes pork into chicken. Many of them would be the children of, as modern American Liberal and Democratic Party shill Al Sharpton calls them, “hook nosed diamond merchants”. Many of them lived in what modern American Liberal and Democratic shill Jesse Jackson called “hymietown”.

Send up a flare when it’s time to use the term “dog whistling”. [Are those whistles breed or group specific?]

I always get the adage, maybe the maxim, possibly the truism, about the goose, the gander, and the sauce arse backward.

You say that Herman Cain said that Obama was too “International”. I recall a constant criticism of George W. Bush in 2000 was that he wasn’t “International” enough. [I recall in 2004 how many modern American Liberals became visibly tumescent at the thought of John Kerry, who served in Vietnam and is married to Tereza, the mad cap Gypsy lady, being able to address the Frog Assembly in French. Any combination of merde, beret, or chapeau would be acceptable.

What passes for political commentary in the covens inhabited by modern American Liberal dog whistlers is akin to the classic Saturday Night Live skit about Oprah Winfrey. “She’s too fat; she’s too skinny; repeat. It’s either too much or too little. Aristotle one of those pesky DWEMs, said that something cannot be what it is not. Too bad that he never met any modern American Liberals.

Talk about mixing metaphors!

Of course you can have your cake and eat it.

You can’t eat your cake and have it.

The one exception is if your favorite color is plaid, plaid being the favorite color of all modern American Liberals – ink stained wretch division.

Do you know if the Ku Klux Klan Deputy Grand Kleagle robes of Senator Robert Byrd [D-WVA] have become available? You may remember that he spent a lot of time in his youth burning crosses, scaring Nigrahs, and hating New York lawyers. He was the Senator that the same White House bum kissers who excused Boinie’s brashness because he was brissed called the Cicero of the Senate during the Clinton unpleasantness. Memory fades but the issue was perjury, wasn’t it?

Kevin Smith


PS - Apropos of nothing I have been having my knee drained. It is astonishing how much fluid comes out. Looking at your picture for the first time I know that a skilled technician could get 8 to 10 ounces of schmaltz out of your jowls. Don’t bother dog whistling. Bowser would be drooling at your feet