Pigs, pee, and the "sacred" Koran

February 26, 2012
First, some good news, almost kerygmatic, from WOGsville.
Wild boars –big nasty pigs – are overrunning Islamabad, Pakistan. Who says there is no justice? 100 pound, sharp toothed, fiercely fanged porcine 4 leggers are tearing up the pea patch in Pakistan. Muslim Pakistan. Somewhere Moshe Dayan and Abba Eban are smiling.

Now some bad news.

President Bozo Haitch Obama set a new Guinness record for apologies. The old record was held by the border guard in Bohemia when the Nazis decided to go into Czechoslovakia. For 3 days he said he was sorry that he took so long to get the gate up and waive the tolls on the road to Prague.

He is going to bring George McGovern out of retirement to lead an apology non-crusade. Afghanistan, a nation where men need not remember the admonition “yellow in front, brown in back” when getting dressed because all they ever wear are sheets and curtains, is in an uproar because somebody chucked some books into the garbage dump. Maybe he’ll send his mother-in-law – 3 years under the same roof is enough for any man – as a sacrificial lamb as penance for the harm caused. He might even cast the first stone, metaphorically speaking.

These apologies come from a country whose Supreme Court says it is OK to burn an American flag. This is from a country that uses tax payer dollars to subsidize a play – Corpus Cristi – that says that not only were Jesus and Judas consensual rump wranglers but a lovers’ quarrel caused Judas to do a Gyppo Nolan on him for the dough. This is from a country that uses tax payer dollars to subsidize an art exhibit that has a picture of Mary, AKA, the Mother of God, covered in cow dung. This is from a country that says if you don’t like “Piss Christ” – a photograph of Christ on His Cross – suspended in a vat of urine you are a troglodyte and probably a “bitter clinger”. As far as can be known the pee is not from a pig.

Even if the books were “sacred” – Why is everything inanimate in their heads up their ass world either “sacred” or “holy”? – I have one simple question.

So what?

It’s been about 1000 years since these rotters have done anything good for mankind.

They outlawed whistling. They forbade balloons. Nail polish removal starts with taking the finger nail out with pliers. Their policy towards homosexuals begins with 20 lashes. And if, as modern American Liberals constantly carp, Republicans are anti-woman what in the name of Oprah Winfrey and Martha Steward can you call these bug-eyed apes? If they didn’t have oil they would be like desert Laplanders.

Why the National Organization for Women doesn’t demand oil drilling in the Grand Canyon, on the White House lawn, in Barbra’s backyard, and straight through Lillian Hellman’s grave is beyond me. One possible answer is that the ladies secretly want the security of the burqa and a touch of the lash before the lads go off for a gay night of Boy Dancing.

Here’s my plan to undo the damage done by this buffoonery.

The target date is Saint Patrick’s Day, March 17th. The reason for the date will be revealed presently.

I am going to wrap a Koran and a Bible - both sacred and holy – in American flags. You guessed it. I am going to set them on fire. This will be true performance art. A veritable raree, if you will. I will make stops at all the Irish saloons in town. Mindful of safety I will summon the patrons from inside the pubs should the fire rage out of control.
They will be able to extinguish the fire in an environmentally sensitive manner by peeing on it. People pee. All organic. The ultimate cycle of recycling. I am sponsoring a song contest to mark the event. The words “Allah ain’t so Akbar” must be in a ditty set to the tune of “The Minstrel Boy”.

I have decreed that Bayonne is now a “holy” city. Henceforth, the Speedway Tavern shall be known as “sacred”. You got a problem with that? I’ll fatwa you in the arse so hard you’ll have to take your socks off to take a dump.



KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET