Leonard Pitts, Jr. The Miami Herald

March 7, 2012
Leonard Pitts, Jr.
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: tu quoque [Look it up] and how non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome enables an adult to conclude that 1 + 1 is either 6, 13, or minus 5. Some comments on your column on how Republicans have committed sins that have not yet been discovered.

Mr. Pitts,

TNUC

Hold it up to a mirror. That’s what Bill Maher, note pundit and sage, called Sarah Palin just before he sent $1,000,000 to Lord Barack the Beneficent.

TULS

Ditto [Got to get a plug in for El Rushbo] with the mirror. That’s what Laura Ingraham, a single mom and a cancer survivor, was called.

I am one of those “syncophantic robots” who likes what Rush Limbaugh says. In fact, I’ve liked him since 1988. 1988, you may recall, was the year that Senator Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. told Democratic primary voters in NYC what an evil dude Willie Horton was and how awful Governor Dukakis was for giving him a weekend furlough. Will I be branded with a Scarlet R for saying that? I hope not. That was the same year that Vice Presidential candidate Lloyd Bentsen had to stop charging people $10,000 to have breakfast with him. For 10 grand I would want to take a long look at that chicken.

I may be dumb but I know how many states are in the Union.

I may be dumb but I know that Austrian is an adjective, not a language.

I may be dumb but I know that the down the memory hole forever “Summer of Recovery”, the one that was air-brushed out like an old Politburo picture after Vasily or Viacheslav was sent to Lubyanka Prison to see if they would be the first to survive a large caliber bullet to the face, was not waylaid by either Global Warming deniers, Vlad Cheney, fears of Willie Horton, or the ghost of Ronald Reagan.

I may be dumb but I know that my favorite Pulitzer Prize winners are Walter Duranty and Janice Cook.

As to the subject of apologies, I suggest the example of the kettle and the pot and their respective color [I can say that without being thought to be a proud member of the Ku Klux Klan, Senator Robert Byrd’s [D-WV] favorite after hour cross burning marching society, can’t I?] is apropos.

The dulcet, irenic tones of closet Nazi Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz [What else can you call a public official who sends two police officers, men with badges and guns, to my house because of something I wrote], Congresswoman Maxine Waters, the House docent for stealing hot stoves, and Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi whose blood type is B for Botox was used at Camp Gitmo to drive WOG thugs mad before it was found to be forbidden by the 8th Amendment. Looping their speeches together would put an end to the controversy about contraception. The voices of these hasty, snarling, howling harridans would de-lead anybody’s pencil. If you are the catcher on the horizontal tango duo you would need 2 quarts of industrial strength WD-40 cum KY Jelly. The No Smoking in Outer Labia sign would definitely be flashing.

If I were to calls these venomous brujas

STNUC

-Don’t forget your mirror-
would you think ill of me?

The prototypical modern American Liberal apology begins with the unctuous mantra “If I have offended anybody…” Logic would dictate that if no one is offended it falls under the category of “no harm, no foul”. I suggest you spend some of your free time – Surely you must come down from your cross of perpetual outrage if for no other reason than to add more thorns to your crown, right? – to learn the difference between malum prohibitum and malum per se.

Wait a minute!

As a card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal there is no such thing as “evil”. [OK. OK. An exception must be made for the Koch Brothers and Andrew Breitbart] Whatever “it” is “it” can be cured by improved government programs, said programs fully funded by the richly rotten 1%, and administered by hardened veterans of the immensely successful and greatly missed War on Poverty.

I am shocked, shocked that you think this campaign is over the top nasty. If you had ever read American History you would know that the campaigns of 1800, 1828, and 1876 make this look like a reunion of the Sesame Street regulars.

Even modern American Liberals greatly afflicted by “sycophantic robotism” should be familiar with their country’s campaign roots.

Kevin Smith