Leonard Pitts Jr. The Miami Herald

March 11, 2012
Leonard Pitts Jr.
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: Muslim sitcoms, fatwas, stonings, no more pulled pork sandwiches, and why it usually always the White guy’s fault. Some comments on your column on why we should love our burgaed neighbor and not worry about the odd cliteroidectomy.


Mr. Pitts,

I must confess that I never saw All American Muslim. I don’t think I ever saw a complete episode of The Cosby Show. I never liked The Lucille Ball Show. The only thing I liked about Ozzie & Harriet was his sweaters. If faced with the prospect of Leaving it to Beaver I did. Will there ever be another Ralph Kramden?

The only family show I like now is The Simpsons and it took the better part of a decade.

Speaking of the late and lamented All American Muslim…

Did they ever have an episode about the stoning of 60 Emos, Emo being another term for non-heterosexual?

Did they ever have an episode on “Dancing Boys”? No, they are not recruits for Alvin Ailey or Arthur Mitchell. They are animate objects of the sexual pleasure of men who approve of the stoning of Emos.

Did they have an episode on Salman Rushdie and he got used to a life of duck and cover because of something he wrote?

I think I missed the episode that compared the reaction to the first public viewing of Nude Descending a Staircase and some of those really cool cartoons about Mohammed chasing his favorite goat so he could play Pin the Phallus on him.

I know from ancient Logic classes that a universal can never be constructed from a particular regardless of how many of them are smack dab in front of you. Still, don’t you think it a statistical anomaly that all – no exceptions, none – terrorists in the 21st century shouted Allah Akbar before they tried to slaughter their allotted share of innocents?

Was there one featuring a scholar of ancient Muslim History who could explain why ravaging Islamic hordes were halfway across Europe less than 100 years after their religion was started? Maybe he – there ain’t never going to be a need for she, right? – can tell us if Islam became a religion of peace after they got a Texas sized ass whipping at Lepanto or after their siege of Vienna failed.

Why did they outlaw whistling?

What the Hell do they have against balloons?

How about the 2500 year old statues of Buddha they blew up?

How do you think Snooki or Barney Frank would do in Riyadh? She likes bacon and he can’t dance anymore.

I don’t know how many mosques are in this country. I do how many churches are in Yemen. Wazupwidat?

Before those evil White slave traders took their African Blacks to the Americas – more were bought for Brazil than for here – they bought them from evil Black Muslim kidnappers. Was a show on that ever done?

Speaking of slavery there are at least 5 Muslim run countries that still allow slavery. Any shows on that touchy subject?

13 centuries after Christ we had something called The Divine Comedy. It’s been 15 centuries since Muhammad went to the “undiscovered country”. Where is the Islamic version?

If I said I liked Porky Pig cartoons would that make me a bigot?

Would it be culturally insensitive of me to disagree with your saying that advertisers leaving “My Big Fat Muslim Beheading” were not an example of “corporate gutlessness”? If by chance you turned out to be correct what, pray tell, would you call the advertisers leaving Rush Limbaugh?

Do you think that if the President should approve the beheading of the American GI who killed 16 Muslims because he heard they defaced a Bible?

For Lent – Would Sharia law permit Lent? – I am just going to watch the Weather Channel.




Kevin Smith