Gary Stein The Sun-Sentinel

March 11, 2012
Gary Stein
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: “Will no one rid us of this noxious weed?” – Some prose on the pro-smoking side of this great moral dilemma.

Big Stein,

Would not Logic dictate that if cranberries could be banned in 1959, if Alar could no longer be used on apples [Thanks to the brilliant testimony of noted research biologist Meryl Streep], if Phisohex could be made a prescription only drug in 1973, and if America swallowed hook, line, and sinker all the ca-ca claptrap posited by Rachel Carson – a charlatan who made Lysenko look like a good scientist – and banned DDT shouldn’t we just ban the sale and use of all tobacco products? If Red Man and snuff and Kools and El Productos and Prince Albert in a can and Blacky Milds do not constitute a clear and present danger then neither does skinny dipping in the reactor pool at Chernobyl.

When has the nanny state, a state populated by card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberals, ever not responded to an alarm bell as loud as this? It’s almost as if there were an ulterior motive in acquiescing in allowing easily identifiable villains to rape and pillage their victims. Many of the victims are single moms who are women of color. Since the matter of 5th trimester abortions is still off the table perhaps we don’t outlaw smoking because it limits the number of lesser breeds among us. Perhaps not.

[I can’t let the DDT mention go without an additional comment. I saw a 3rd World infant die of malaria. The thermometer did no go high enough to measure its temperature. Its stomach was so distended that it was a terrible task to determine its sex. DDT kills the Anopholes mosquito that carries malaria. It has had no other proven deleterious effects. The witch doctors’ wives’ tales about effected raptors make the accounts about Global Cooling – Remember Paul Ehrlich? – Global Warming and now the neutral term Climate Change seem as scientifically sound as Pi. Bad enough we banned it here but we also banned its export. The consequences of pandering to rich White 1st Worlders, goose stepping modern American Liberals all, is that 2,000,000 sub-Saharan Black infants die each year. Do the math. 2,000,000 dead Black babies a year versus maybe, just maybe, some dead killer raptors. As Chamberlain said about the Czechs marked for death “They are a faraway people of whom we know little”. Maybe that’s where Obama got his idea for the soon to be sworn in Death Panels.]

The first great multicultural poet said “A woman’s a woman but a good cigar is a smoke”. For 5 or 6 years, ending in 1985, I would pay $1 each for some cigaros Cubanos. I would buy them at a trunk show, said trunk being owned by a Customs agent stationed at JFK airport. Accompanied by some suitable potables, I and a select group of conspicuous consumers would destroy them one at a time in an environmentally sensitive way. Ah, the days when greed was King!

What caused this outpouring was your snarky reference to lawyers.

My last day with Camels and one of my three Dunhill lighters was October 1, 1989. I smoked one on my way to meet my lawyer. It didn’t taste right. I smoked on in his conference room. It tasted worse. When I turned back to the table after getting a document the lawyer was waving his arms and pointing to his throat. No sound; just arm flapping. He was choking. I Heimlicked him. I saved his life.

#1 – If you hear him yelling he is not choking.
#2 – After you cause him to expel whatever it is that is blocking his air passage, in this case, a chunk of a tuna salad sub, the almost victim is embarrassed.

After I left his office I lighted another cigarette. It was the worst of them all. I tossed it away; I then crumpled the pack and tossed it away. I kept the lighter[s].

I know the last time we tried Prohibition it didn’t work. Haven’t we learned since how to do it better? Look how easy it is to get some documents at the DMV. Doesn’t the Post Office remind you of a Swiss watch? Hell, what with the new people in charge in DC you can actually look forward to a meeting with the IRS. And yes, there is a man in the moon; He is made of bleu cheese. He comes down monthly to the Bermuda Triangle where assorted wing nuts and/or Democrats use Food Stamps to bite him on his pungent ass.

Don’t you think it a bit disingenuous, perhaps even hypocritical, to tax the bejeezus out of tobacco and then rale against it? The fact that Black folk in this country smoke at a higher percentage than any other than any other racial group suggests that a different motive may be in play. Although Black women make up but 6% of the population almost 40% of the abortions performed in this country are done on Black women. The above coupled with the annual culling of 2,000,000 Black children in Africa suggests that Margaret Sanger’s race pronouncements, the ones that were the basis of the Hitler’s 1934 Race Law, may finally be gaining traction.

The other reason I write is because I want to try to clear up an unanswered question from the early glory days of the Clinton administration. It was probably before he began his serious golf cheating and his serial groping. He told us that good people with good intentions focusing on some really good social goals could “Speed the Plow”. Who knows? Maybe the elusive horizon could be reached and wrestled to the ground and the yet undiscovered 99% would be farting through silk.

Alas, the old turd in the punch bowl showed up.

Vince Carter, Big Bill’s lawyer and Hillary’s “special” friend, ate his gun. Bernie Nussbaum, Esq, Carter’s assistant, went to Vince’s office and took out a whole bunch of files. If any of the detectives from “Law & Order” were around he would have been cuffed and read his rights. By the next day he was being called by anonymous White House staffers a “New York lawyer”. In less than a week’s time “New York lawyer” became a verb and then a 4 letter word.

I know if Pat Buchanan had said it the modern American Liberal media would have been Heimlicking each other before their Seal Team 6 kidnapped him and sewed him into a sleeping bag with 6 rutting, rabid wolverines. The shrieks from the network anchors would have had you begging for a large first grade class to sharpen all their fingernails on a blackboard to drown them out.

Here’s my problem.

I am almost positive I Heimlicked a “New York Lawyer”.

Do you think I should keep it on my C.V.?

Get back to me, will you?

And to answer the unasked question, I smoked cigarettes for almost five years after I stopped smoking cigars. I smoked because Hitler didn’t. If I had been alive between August 22, 1939 and June 21, 1941 I would have smoked fags two at a time just to piss off all the modern American Liberals who thought Hitler wasn’t such a bad guy after all.





KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET