Senator Richard Durbin

January 29, 2012
Senator Richard Durbin
1504 3RD Avenue – 227
Rock Island, IL 61201

RE: A “Heart Starter” at dawn – You really, really said it. New verses are being prepared for “Liar, liar, pants on fire”

Senator Durbin, AKA “Little Dick”,

“There are people literally fighting and dying for
the right to vote in countries like Syria, and we are
finding ways to restrict the right to vote in Florida?”

God’s holy trousers!

Your well-earned sobriquet, “Little Dick”, has stayed with you since your days in Catholic high school. Alas, it does not do you justice. You have a pair of huevos so big and brassy that they set off TSA alarms when you get to the airport parking lot. They must wheel you through the scanner on a gurney. Forget about boxers or briefs. Your knickers must be made of Kevlar and Tyvek lined parachute cloth.

It’s been 12 years since anyone from Illinois said anything so finger nails on the blackboard excruciatingly egregious as your comments on voting in Florida.

I recall Bill Daley, a true son of Chicago as well as the son of King Richard the First, getting off a plane in November, 2000. He said, minus any visible smirks or an eyebrow arching not seen since the glory days of John Belushi, “It’s time to start the recount.”

The thought of having to listen to Vice President Alpha Gump chicken choke his “sex starved poodle” for 4 years caused a pound of kidney stones to appear spontaneously. In each kidney.

They dissolved painlessly when Grifter Daley, a man whose father, Daley of Chicago, retired the trophy for Democrats stealing elections, said “Let’s count the votes”.

Jonathan Swift and Mel Brooks could not have said it better.

It took 12 years to take out the champ.

It is only fitting that it took but one line from another Illinois man to do it.


Kevin Smith

PS – “All evidence is circumstantial”, said Bertie. “Yes sir”, said Jeeves. “Like when you find a trout in the milk.” A few years ago, when a Republican was in the White House, you regularly called American soldiers “Nazis”. There is a picture of 4 Marines peeing on the bodies of some dead Taliban thugs. Has the presence of a Democrat in the White House precluded you from singing the Horst Wessel song as you fling red paint on the Marine Memorial in Arlington or is it just a coincidence? My mother never raised a fool. I am trying to get your Wikipedia entry festooned with a new and improved sobriquet: LITTLE DICK, THE BIG HYPOCRITE