Joy-Ann Reid The Miami Herald

January 12, 2012
Joy-Ann Reid
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE:

Ms. Reid,

I just got back from a 3,000 mile round trip in my gas guzzling, polar bear killing, 7 league boot carbon footprinting SUV.

In addition to frolicking with my grandchildren I visited the place where I fracked my first oil well. When I got there I realized it could be a teachable moment, especially for modern American Liberals. One of the prerequisites of initiation into the phantom world of modern American Liberalism is the ability to wear blinders, blinders both historical and moral. It is the the cognitive dissonance that “eclectic Indignation” demands if you don’t want to run the risk of your brain being projectile vomited out through your ears. Thus, the answer to the unasked question of why mALs buy so much Duct Tape and Gorilla Glue is made clear.

Thank God for Google.

Former Vice President Alpha Gump had not yet invented the Internet so Google was not even a gleam in anyone’s eye in 1974, the year I fracked my first oil well

Duval County, Texas will be famous as long as this country counts votes after an election. Sometimes you have to count them again and again to make sure the right guy wins.

In the 1948 Senate race Congressman Lyndon B. Johnson found himself losing by 4,000 votes after the first count. He sent his good friend, Abe Fortas – Yes, that Abe Fortas – to count them again. And again. And again. And again. And yet again.

Texas is a remarkable place. The story of the Resurrection is retold every 4 years. 3 people who died at the Alamo voted for LBJ. There was even an absentee ballot from Santa Ana. The only hanging chad found was hanged from a cottonwood tree as a lesson to the unbelievers.

I was born and raised in Bayonne, N.J. My wife had many relatives in Chicago. Democrats counting votes until they get the right count is nothing new. Based on History it is to be expected. As an academic exercise in Broward County I got 6 voter ID cards when Miriam Oliphant was the Election Supervisor. Please don’t think ill of me but anymore like her and Affirmative Action will get a bad name. Jeezus Haitch Keerist but she was as dumb as 5 pounds of used clam shells.
. All the “diamond merchants” in Broward, as Al Sharpton calls them, were so pleased with themselves when she was elected that there was a run on Chiropractic emergency rooms. Their patting themselves on their backs caused shoulders and elbows to go both askew and akimbo.

I tell you this because “while the light is left to burn the vilest sinner may yet return”. There is time for you to discover the thrill of replacing feelings with ideas, of avoiding millennia old fallacies, and discovering the healing presence of Tanqueray clear Logic.

I can tell you that 38 years after fracking a 10,000 acre field the grass is sparse, the creeks are mostly dry, coyotes still make weird noises, and cattle are still the dumbest 4 legged animals on God’s green earth. In other words everything is the same.

On a cultural point it must be noted that Shiner Bock has made some inroads on Lone Star Longnecks. You may wish to find out more about the Duke of Duvall County. If I were a Democrat I would be proud.

But I digress….

Your column this date has several gems.

#1 - You say that “Romney is the only candidate with the wherewithal to purchase a professional campaign apparatus”. Do you mean that George Soros, the universe’s quintessential 1 %er, is backing him?

#2 – You say that Romney[‘s] “contentment is marinated in privilege”. I am planning a big SUV tour of houses of some well-known 1%er supporters of the other 99%. As a big time media mogul could you get me the addresses of some of the following wanabee 99%ers?

A – Senator Jay Forbes Kerry [D-MA] – He had a $7,000,000 boat built in New Zealand. He has 7 houses, 6 of which are in this country, and one of which had a fire hydrant removed from the front of it. He also has a mad cap Gypsy lady for a wife. Should you want to commit suicide just jump off her wallet. You can’t be more 99% than that, can you?

B – Senator Rockefeller [D-WVA] – Maybe it’s Mordecai Rockefeller. Maybe it’s Yussuf Rockefeller. He can’t be the spawn of the absolute Robber Baron of all time, could he? Do you think he knows what steam coal is?

C – Any Kennedy who has ever gone to a public grammar school.

D – Michael Moore has so much money he hires poor people to exercise for him. If he steps on his cat’s shadow it dies. In addition to having more Chins than a Canton phone book he is able to hide 2 crème brulees in the overflap. If he stopped eating for a week he would save 30 Haitians. [Speaking of Haiti, where did all that money go?] I want to find out if he still has liquid lard IVs. Rumors of him skinny dipping in warm suet have to be addressed. I know he is about to franchise his Chocolate Malted Enema machine. How does he get to be a 99%er?

E – Could you get me the name of 2 99%ers who paid $37,500 to have dinner with Lord Barack the Beneficent? OK. OK. Just one.

F – As to Mitt “firing” people…How would you describe the GIs who will soon be turned out of their barracks? How many of them can become purple shirted SEIU thugs who knock crippled old Black men out of their wheel chairs? Would “fired” be an unfair term?

G – STOP THE PRESSES! – Check back and see if a day after clean ups at any Tea Party rallies resulted in an abandoned infant being found. It seems that the Noble Savages at the OWS rally in Washington, all of whom were singing “The Children are our Future”, left a diapered tyke behind. Don’t you hate that when it happens?

Ronald Reagan is still dead. Tim Tebow is too young. I’ll play the hand that was dealt.

All in.


Kevin Smith



PS – Do you suppose Romney has a Jeremiah Wright in his background? You are, to quote Vice President Curley Biden, a “clean and articulate Black”. If I were to tell you that between 35% and 40% of the abortions performed in this country have been done on Black women would you think that to be genocide? If not, why not?