On mourning the death of Judge Bork in a most narcissistic manner

December 19, 2012
On mourning the death of Judge Bork in a most narcissistic manner
Gerrino’s, a great Eye-Tie restaurant in Hoboken, NJ, was where I entered into a wager with then NJ Appellate Judge Geoffrey Gaulkin. We were there to attend a wedding. He was to marry the couple while I was there to celebrate it until a few years later when I had to ask myself how I could have been so very, very wrong about the groom.
The Judge and I had a mutual acquaintance. Jack Adams, my next door neighbor in West Orange, had gone to grammar school in Caldwell with the Judge. He recognized Jack’s name immediately and we settled into some reminiscences about long lost friends.

Elections are always numero uno in Hudson County. They rank far ahead of sex, religion, the weather, and high school football.

I said that the coming re-election of the Great Reagan would assure, inter alia, the nominations of Bork and Scalia to the Supreme Court.

Judge Gaulkin said that they both “scared” him, particularly Bork.

In the case of Judge Bork I said that I found it hard to believe that a devotee of Alexander Bickel could be “scary”.

He asked me how I, as a non-lawyer, would have become familiar with Bickel. I asked if I had to be a member of the Bar to read either the Federalist Papers or the Constitution.

I allowed that “The Supreme Court and the Idea of Progress” and “The Morality of Consent” [both written by Bickel] have had and will have a permanent and growing influence on American jurisprudence and American culture.

Make haste slowly is still good advice. Judges who think that their banging a gavel can soothe the planet, calm the raging seas, and make lambs volunteer to spend the night with the lions are not to be trusted. They are so smart they’re dumb. The Judiciary should not, per se, be primus inter pares.

“How sad of all the things that men endure how few
Laws or Kings can cause or cure”


I said that I was willing to bet that the next 2 nominations to the Supreme Court would be Scalia and Bork

The stakes were simple.

Dinner at Gerrino’s.

The offer was accepted.

Sometimes the only contracts that must be enforced are the unenforceable ones.

I am still waiting for the good Judge to cover his marker. 1984 to 2012. I guess the statute on enforcing unenforceable contracts has run also. My last attempt was in 2002.

Judge Bork became a lexicographer’s delight. His name became a verb and a gerund. 25 years later to Bork someone is still widely understood. Although it is barely 15 years the question “Does she Monica?” is not as instantly recognizable as it once was.

The opposition to Judge Bork becoming Justice Bork was led by Lard Kennedy, the Senate’s longest serving moral slag heap, the paradigmatic template of modern American Liberalism, and the best argument for estates being taxed at 105%. In this endeavor he was ably aided by Joey Biden. His secret Service call sign is “Curly” who we know was the smartest stooge. In Joey’s defense let it be said that he is too dumb to know that he is meaner than cat shit.

The process of Borking had people going through his garbage looking for signs of aberrant behavior. Finding none they went to the local movie rental store to see if he liked sex and violence flicks. He was criticized for accepting an after-hours job so he could make his first wife’s dying a bit less painful. His views were opposed in such a manner that it made the traditional argumentum ad hominem seem to be a day at the beach.

It must be noted that Republican lack both the guile and the smamriness to do unto others as was done to Robert Bork.

The Senate took the President’s nomination under advisement and refused to consent to it by a vote of 58 to 42 .It took 13 years for the petard of Clio, my favorite Muse, to find a very big hoistee.

Albert Arnold Gore, Jr, AKA Alpha Gump, a polluting slumlord whose Secret Service call sign was Cementhead, a man who set a record by flunking out of 2 graduate schools in one semester, would have become President if the Borking of Judge Bork had not been so effective.

The urban legend says that the vote to make George Bush President was 5 to 4. It was not. The vote was 7 to 2. The vote to accept the case was 5 to 4. Two Justices, having voted not to accept the case, changed their votes once the case was accepted.

Judge Bork, had he become Justice Bork, would have voted against accepting the case. The lower court ruling would have stood. Bush would have gone back to Texas and Al and Thumper Gump and all the baby Gumpsters would have occupied the White House.

If it were Justice Bork who died today it would have given President Obama the chance to remake the Court in his image.

Funny how things work out.

I never did get to have my rack of Italian lamb, sliced a la Anglaise, some castagnas, and Riserva Ducale. No tiramisu. Zabaglione would have been my choice. Perhaps some Sambuca. Maybe a de Nobili.

It was a long time ago.

Let it be said of Judge Bork, as was said of Thomas More, that he was the guardian of the law, that he stood a watch on the towers that defend the law from being used as vehicle to attain a du jour political end, however desired.