February 22, 2013
Michael Mayo
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Free Speech – How far out will that envelope go?

Mr. Mayo,

As long as the genie is out of the bottle I have been trying to get a big time media mogul to sponsor the following event. Some background is necessary.

Broward County is Ground Zero, the crucible where Progressives can blossom, the last bastion of true believers that Midnight Basketball is sound public policy, and a place where it is known that with one last big push the 49 year long War on Poverty can be won. The only divine presence in the Temple of Modern American Liberalism is Gaia, the Mother of us all. It is a place where lions and lambs lie down together. It is true that they have to get a new lamb every night but people blessed with good intentions and a unwavering belief that gravity is temporary are close to solving that problem also. There is a pilot program to make the Lion King a vegan. Results are mixed but some additional funding from the 1% will teach Simba the joys of arugula and tofu.

Who can doubt that manatee suffrage is only 2 or 3 election cycles away from fruition? And yes, interspecies dating will be encouraged.

The egregious gerrymandering that would elect O.J. Simpson or Jumbalaya Mumia, the Philly cop killer, to whichever office they ran for, is a testament to truth, justice, and the American way.

Dr. Mengele would probably win by shutout in the primary because of his strong views on women’s reproductive rights.

I won’t miss this year’s Julius and Ethel Rosenberg Memorial Walk for Justice.

Supposedly rational adults believe that if a Black teenager is unemployed and, worse, unemployable at $7.25 an hour he will have Apple and Google stalking him to hire him at $9.00 an hour. Honest. They really believe that.

With the possible exception of Barbra Streisand’s gazebo, the big one by the environmentally correct abalone rehab clinic, the one with the solar powered wind mill to shoo the furbish louseworts away without harming them, and Zabar’s on a cool, crisp Sunday morning, there is no more thoroughly modern American Liberal place North of Havana than Area Code 954.

That’s why I think it is time for this blow for freedom to be struck.

We know that burning an American flag is good.

We know that burning a bible is better.

Why not burn both of them at the same time?

I propose to wrap the bible in an American flag and burn it on the steps of the Federal Courthouse in Fort Lauderdale.

In case the fire gets out of control – We were just told that the evil Republican sequestration and how did they get Obama to sign that into law, weren’t we and that fire departments would be shut down, right? - I will have a large container of liquid available to quench it. Pig pee sounds about right.

One thing more.

Since Broward County is a recognized leader in the quest for mutli-cultural diversity – Remember Elections Supervisor Miriam Oliphant as the Poster Girl for Hire the Handicapped? I do - let’s include a copy of the sacred Koran. [Maybe you can tell me why everything those camel jockeys have is either sacred or holy?] Let’s burn them all. “God will know His own.”

If the Nazis can march in Skokie and those wing nut snake handlers can picket dead soldiers’ funerals why can’t I do the above?

Eagerly anticipating your public support, I remain




KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET