February 9, 2013
Anthony Orlando
The Sun Sentinel

RE: “uninformed, lying, or not very good at math” - The highlight of your article about the virtues of Leviathan in Friday’s Sun Sentinel

Tony,

As poster boy for modern American Liberalism’s most persistent characteristic, “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” [Send a SASE] I know it would never dawn on you that you could be wrong. What’s the sense of being a card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal if you don’t know you are always right all the time? I know that because you write that anyone who says you are wrong “is either uninformed, lying, or not very good at math”.

Before I give you examples of where the Federal budget can be poleaxed like a Saracen intruder I would like to address your faceless argumentum ad hominen.

I was good enough at math to become CFO – that’s Chief Financial Officer - of a public company. That means I signed the annual reports and the 10Ks [10Ks? Send a SASE]

Lying is subjective.

In the 20th century 3 Presidents told us that they would not send Americans to fight in foreign wars. Would you believe that they were all Democrats? [Send a SASE for their names] President Handsome Billy from Hot Springs said “is” either “is” or it “isn’t”. President B.O. said he would shut down GITMO, America’s first adult sleep away camp in one year. It’s still open. He said he would cut the deficit in half by the end of his first term. He didn’t. He said he would end waterboarding. He didn’t say he would use predator drones to kill Americans. Maybe Hillary Clinton was right when she said, “What difference does it make”? After all, didn’t the great Lord Keynes say “In the long run we’re all dead”?

As to “uniformed”, I know how to attack a 2 deep zone. I know the difference between Chiaroscuro and Caravaggio. When I take my gas guzzling, polar bear drowning, Seven League Boot carbon footprinting SUV across our fair land I always have Mozart and Willie Nelson with me. I know that the conflict of rights told to us by Antigone 25 centuries ago is still unresolved. In the ‘80s I “created” more jobs than all the companies on the DJIA [DJIA? – Send a SASE] I am an alumnus of Outward Bound and Jeopardy. I have flown the Concorde. My last gun fight was 20 years ago. I gave my wife an “E” type 12 cylinder Jaguar, wrapped in a red bow, for Mother’s Day one year. My current favorite single malt whisky is Cardhu. I have drunk Cheval Blanc ’47, Lafite ’61, and both Margaux and Latour ’66. I think the Talbot ’79 will be the best ever. I prefer moonshine from West Virginia to that from Kentucky. I once was paid $5,000 to have lunch. I know what Hamlet really meant when he told Ophelia to “get thee to a nunnery”. [SASE] I know why Oedipus went to Colonnus. I know that Madison wrote in the Constitution what government could do George Mason wrote the Bill of Rights saying what the government could not do. I know that FDR not only did not end the Depression, he made it worse. I know the answer to the riddle of the Sphinx. I have at least one granddaughter who thinks, other than her Dad, that I am the best guy in the world. Dogs like me. Women are enthralled by me. Men want my company. I am the favorite patient of 3 physicians. And, to really gild the lily, I am able to detect a horse’s ass when he is 2 zip codes away.

I won’t be coy.

You, despite your puerile visage, will soon make my Hall of Fame for Horses’ Asses. And, to your credit, you got it the old fashioned way: You earned it.

As to my suggestions for amputating various Federal appendages…

#1 – The Departments of Energy and Education must go. Let us apply the empirical evidence test [empirical? Send a SASE]

How many kilowatts of electricity has the Energy Department produced in 35 years?
NONE
Can Johnny read better after 35 years of a Department of Education?
NO

Anyone who says that either our energy problem or our educational black hole has improved since their inception “is either uninformed, lying, or not very good at math”.

#2 – Why do we have 50,000 troops in Europe? The Cold War is over. We won. Bring them home. Now. A touch of isolationist xenophobia [Another SASE, no?] might be good for us.

#3 – It costs AMTRAK $16 to make a hamburger that it sells for $9.50. As is still said in Milan, “If no profit is possible the risk is obvious”. Don’t bother asking. You cannot make it up with increased sales. How about Starbuck’s? How about Subway? KFC? [The Colonel? Send a SASE] will be opening in Ghana. If they get to Africa feeding people on a train going to Boston from New York should be a walkover.

#4 – Here’s a thought for the USPS. Convene a corporate death panel and put a big DNR sign on it [DNR? Send a SASE] Maybe FedEx or UPS would be interested. It couldn’t be any worse and the counter people would be Hellaciously more polite.

#5 – Eagle Ford. Bakken. Marcellus. [Send a big SASE] These shale formations and, yes, I fracked my first well in 1974 in Texas, all of which are on private land, have the capacity to make this country energy self-sufficient in 15 years. We will be able to export energy in less than 10 years. We will be able to tell all those camel jockeys to drink their oil or shove it up their collective asses, whichever is preferable to them and their prophet. We could have a decade long “Summer of Recovery” [Send a SASE] All we have to do is keep those bird brain feather merchants in Washington in Washington. It will all come right in the end because it is in the rational self-interest of free men to do it. [Rational self-interest? [Send a SASE] My Uncle Adam said that. Who is my Uncle Adam? [Send a SASE]

Until the arrival of the great Reagan the United States did 2 things superbly well. Fighting World War 2 was the first. Being the GC on the Moon shot was the second, [GC? Send a SASE]

It is an inconvenient fact of History but, the past being prologue, if we were to put the government in charge of the desert in 2 years they would be importing sand.

America’s longest war is not Afghanistan. 49 years ago we declared war on poverty. How is that one working out?

The last time any government got the trains to run on time the express ran right to Auschwitz.







KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET




PS – When I get to “P” in my new dictionary – I am just finishing “H” – I will use your picture to define “putz”. Don’t forget to say Hi to the girls.