February 23, 2013
Congresswoman Frederica Wilson
10100 Pines Blvd – B Building
Pembroke Pines, FL 33025

RE: Say what? – Some comments on your op-ed article about those nasty Republicans and how they want to starve babies, kill seniors, and kill senior polar bears.

Congressperson Wilson,

I thought today would be a great day for making manatee sausage. The babies are yummy plus they are low fat and low sodium. And a big shout out to Michelle Obama for guiding us on the path to better living through tofu.

Then I read your article.

One of your on-line bios says that you have two degrees. One Bachelor’s degree and one Master’s degree. Reading your article I was certain that neither was in Logic or Math.

Several things leapt to mind.

#1 – Don’t you think you should begin calling your most recent degree a Mistress of Elementary Education? If chicks can grab a weapon and go face the elephant and maybe play catch up ball at Arlington Cemetery don’t you think society should reflect their unique contributions?

#2 – A Bachelor’s or a Master’s degree in education ranks somewhere between the widest building in Wichita and the world’s tallest midget. I was going to include “the smartest bear in the zoo” but I didn’t.

Further, you say that you were elected “overwhelmingly” by your constituents. Alas, the way your district was rigged the woman convicted of killing Rilya Wilson would have been elected. O.J. Simpson or Step-n-Fetchit would have won 2 to 1.

First, the lesson in Logic.

I know that you support increasing the minimum wage from $7.15 an hour to $9.00 an hour. I am trying to piece together a construct on how that will affect a single mom, usually a woman of color, with children in need of a good Ritalin program who are too far away from Midnight Basketball.

Train wreck, tsunami, disaster, all spring to mind.

Inner city youth – That’s one Hell of a euphemism, right? – are unemployed and, worse, unemployable at $7.15 an hour. Why would Apple and Google suddenly lust after them at $9.00 an hour?

Logic would dictate that if $9.00 an hour is good $19.00 an hour would be better. Why stop there? How about $36.50 an hour? Good, better, best.

History screams at us that the single most racist piece of Federal legislation signed into law in the 20th century was the minimum wage act. Look it up.

Now it’s time for Math

The Federal budget is three trillion six hundred billion dollars. Put in plain numbers that is $3,600,000,000,000. Evil sequestration, a Republican plan to put yet another lash on the backs of the undeserving poor, amounts to eighty eight billion dollars. That is $88,000,000,000 over 2 years. That is approaching a rounding error. [“Rounding error”? Send a SASE]

Your article says that 1,145,600 people will have to live on fish heads and rice until they get Food Stamps.

Perhaps you could tell me why President Obama campaigned for it and gleefully signed it into law? Perhaps you could tell me why he threatened to veto any Congressional attempt to change it? Perhaps not.

My Uncle Adam said “What is prudence in running the affairs of a household can scarce be folly in running the affairs of an empire”. Uncle Adam? SASE

Speaking of budgets you do know that 42% of every dollar we spend is borrowed, don’t you? Every day that Hillary Clinton was in the Senate she raled against borrowing money form the Chinese. The first foreign country she visited was China; She took Monica Lewinsky with her. Monica had certain “negotiating” skills that melted the heart of Ming, the Merciless Mandarin Moneylender.

I mention that because candidate Obama promised to cut the deficit in half by the end of his first term. I remember that. Do you?

You call for “targeted spending to proactively protect our cities”. Allah Damn it but that’s a mouthful. I won’t comment on the split infinitive. Some referees might flag me for piling on.

As people leave Detroit coyotes have returned. Like the Pilgrims of old they have quickly become self-sufficient. In addition to “cooling the earth and lowering the seas” we were told that the country would change dramatically and fundamentally. Who are we to say that suffrage is limited to bi-pods? Modern American Liberals in Broward County want manatees to vote. Why not coyotes in Wayne County?
The only cities more under control of a single unwavering political philosophy than Detroit in the Northern Hemisphere are Rome and Havana.

Forbes Magazine gave Detroit its equivalent of a Michelin 5 Star rating. It wasn’t the dirtiest. It wasn’t the most corrupt. It wasn’t the poorest. It wasn’t the most crime ridden.

IT WAS THE MOST MISERABLE

Your reflex solution, one that is genetically imprinted in the DNA of all practicing modern American Liberals is simple. In the typical mush-brained Boob McNutt way you and your Lodge sisters in the “Balloon Juice” factory you say, Spend more money!

Now I know why you wear those silly assed Dale Rogers cowgirl hats. Whatever common sense that was drilled into you as a child has been draining out of an unclosable occipital aperture. You line the hat with Duck Tape, Crazy Glue, and Velcro to keep it on to stop anything from falling out.

Accordingly, I hereby name you

HORSE’S ASS of the WEEK
[CONGRESSIONAL DIVISION – MAMMARY SECTION]

I know that God blesses and loves America. I also know that he has a great sense of humor. I am sure that when He looks at you he is sorely tempted to wash His hands and start over at where the Pioneer Space Probe is headed for.

The only positive thing you’ve done today is to save a manatee.


Kevin Smith