October 27, 2013
Julie O’Connor
The Star Ledger
One Star Ledger Plaza
Newark, NJ

RE: Do umbrellas cause rain? Some comments on your Jeremiad editorial in today’s Star Ledger about the weather ills caused by Western Civilization and its wretched excesses.

Ms. O’Connor,

One of the endearing traits of fire breathing, card carrying and non-thinking modern American Liberals who are also ink stained wenches is the ability never to let facts interfere with an argument, however specious the argument be.

As an émigré from New Jersey – Bayonne, to be precise – I note sadly that not only have the inmates taken control of the asylum [the boobies running the hatch, so to speak] of climate change flap-doodle clap trap but that gender equity has been achieved with you as the head ohmadahn.

Let me slip in a few things.

I know why Oedipus went to Colonnus. I know the difference between a hoplite and a helot. I know how Greenland got its name. I can distinguish between Chiaroscuro and Caravaggio. I don’t have to look up the meaning of Annuit Coeptis. I am a fanatic First Amendmenter. I “created” more jobs in the ‘80s than the 30 companies on the DJIA. I can tell the buttered side from the dry. Although I was not born on farm the lesson of the rooster has not been lost on me. My last gunfight was 20 years ago in Newark of all places. Full disclosure requires me to tell you that after finishing my early morning ablutions in the ‘70s I would open the bath room window and give my can of Right Guard a few gratuitous squirts to debase the beleaguered ozone layer. More details? Send a SASE.

#1 – Since modern American Liberals eagerly support 4th and 5th trimester abortions it would not require 7 League boots to drown all the dumb survivors at their first and last birthday. One way to rescue drowning polar bears would be by decreasing the number of gas guzzling SUV drivers by killing them. Maybe it is time for Canute to try again.

#2 – I always keep my copy of “The Population Bomb” close at hand. Paul Ehrlich, a truly brilliant man, wrote it in 1969. He wrote that the race was on. It would be neck and neck on whether we would freeze to death or starve to death. The finish line was the year 2000. I gave away my last cashmere scarf last Christmas. The temperature in south Florida will be in the low 80s today. Since I have long considered beer, pizza, and crème brulee to be a basic food group I would categorize myself as calorically challenged. I suppose I could have said I use my A/C 51 weeks a year and that God has blessed me both with appetite and the means to get the food to sate same but I chose not to.

That Ehrlich, this world class jackass, this world class neddy dunce, continues his Lysenko-like rants with nary a glance from the modern American Liberal media elite is further proof that the vast Left-Wing conspiracy far surpasses the greatly overrated vast Right-Wing conspiracy.

#3 – Super Storm Sandy, as oppose to not so super storm Sammy, should make us all look at some maps.

Sea Bright, where once I lived, sits atop a barrier island. The important thing to remember there is that the ocean is going to win. Next week, next month, next decade, next millennium. It’s a chalk bet. The ocean wins.

That the people who live next to where riparian rights are defined 4 times a day were able to convince everybody else to indemnify them against the total risk is a testament to one of the inherent weaknesses of democracies. It’s like having 2 wolves and I lamb vote on what’s for lunch.

Speaking of Super Storm Sandy…1962 and 1954 were years with truly biblical storms in New Jersey. GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChange were unknown perils then. What caused them?

Any map of the south shore of Long Island printed before 1938 will not show the Shninecock inlet. That’s because it’s not there. A super storm, a storm, alas, without a name, carved it out. What caused that storm?

If you ever get to Galveston, Texas you’ll find a few reminders of 1908. Another unnamed storm killed 8,000 people. What caused that? Was it caused by selfish White people demanding more and more aggressive air conditioning? Wait a minute. There was no air conditioning then. So what caused it?

#4 – You mention an “outward attack on climate science” as if there were, you know what I’m saying, an outward attack on climate science. Saying something like that would normally cause me to say that you couldn’t find your ass using both hands. I shant because my loutish Jersey days are behind me.

Hoc post ergo propter hoc is a term from formal Logic. It is empirically self- evident that you are familiar with neither. Look it up. Learn it. Live it.

You may wish to use the term correlation is not causation as a stepping stone.

Even though all acts of terror on American soil in the 21st century have been committed by Muslims it would not be correct to say that while it may seem so all Muslims are terrorists.

#5 – When in doubt about things meteorological I suggest you seek the counsel of the leading Italian climatologist, Professor Antonio Vivaldi

#6 – I suggest using ObamaCare as an answer to the problem of flood insurance. Since pre-existing conditions can no longer be used to deny applicants health coverage why not apply the same Logic to flood insurance?

When the Son of Super Sandy strikes again, and we know it will, don’t we, give the “victims” 72 hours to apply for flood insurance after the storm. OK. OK 96 hours if they don’t have a valid photo ID.

When Congress can dictate that insurance companies must cover all applicants even if they are single moms, women of color, with children suffering from ADHD while they have terminal alopecia what’s a 12 foot storm surge?

#7 – You mention “hubris” as if it were a stand-alone condition.

I find it impossible to think there is anyone who has more contempt than I for GlobalCoolinjgGlobalWarmingClimateChange shills. I have particular contempt for those ass-backwards goms who use the word consensus in the same sentence as science.

There is no and there can be no consensus in science. Either it is or it isn’t. It took almost a millennium to knock Ptolemy out of the big time. Imagine, if you can, astronomy with him. Of course, the moon may be made of cheese.

Whenever Einstein posited something he used the snail-mail internet to publicize it. He wanted to see if others could prove it wrong. He only had to be proved wrong once. That freed him up to move on to something else.

It takes cojonic chutzpah beyond Guinness Book bounds to think that science is ruled by consensus. Imaginary numbers are ruled by straight lines. The feelings, indeed the good intentions of the scribbling scrivener, don’t count. Pi is not a thing that reacts to consensus. H2O is settled science. Hockey stick based fabrications is not.

It is, by the classic definition of the word, obscene.


Kevin Smith