July 23, 2014

Chairman Mitch Caesar, Esq.
Broward County Democratic Party
1832 N. University Drive
Plantation, FL 33322

RE: Some new clients?

Mr. Caesar,

First let me tell you how much I enjoyed your Uncle Sid. And let me add that if Nero and Caligula tarnished the family escutcheon Augustus, Hadrian, and Marcus Aurelius greatly burnished it.

But I digress.

Last Sunday, in the Sun Sentinel, you said “our beaches [will] move 15 miles west and land in Weston”...

#1 – David Beckham wants to spend $150,000,000 to build a soccer stadium on the waterfront.

#2 – An acre and a quarter of land on Biscayne Bay was purchased for $125,000,000.

#3 – A house on Indian Creek was sold for $28,000,000.

Beckham is a Brit who made a huge packet of dough running around in his underwear for the last 15 years. He’s on his own.

#2 & #3 less so.

It is obvious, it being the consensus of scientists, such consensus being led by Ptolemy, Malthus, and Professor Irwin Corey, that these properties will shortly be uninhabitable – unless you live in a submarine.

This information was obviously withheld from the buyers.

Would #2 & #3 spend all that money if they knew that tarpon would soon be mating in the attic? I think that underwater tennis, an underwater pool, and an underwater dock and helicopter pad will not catch on either.


[I doubt that either the FHA or the VA was involved in these transactions but you should do a title search anyway. Triple damages in Federal Court?]

I suggest you contact them before the esteemed firm of Layback & Whackit starts a TV campaign. Mesothelioma, transvaginal mesh, hip implants, ticket school…and, soon, no more low tide.

With the money that #2 & #3 have already spent there should be no problem finding Mr. Green. It’s a bigger payday than your regular slip and fall or a disability scam. And it could be the start of your personal Endless Summer of Recovery.


Kevin Smith


PS – I know that one of the mantras of mush-brained modern American Liberals is “Think Globally; Act Locally”. Please tell me that you are reducing your carbon foot print by turning off your air conditioners. You have, haven’t you?