October 19, 2014
Mayor Annise Parker
PO Box 1562
Houston, TX 77251

RE: “Will no one rid me of this troublesome priest?”– That’s a Historical reference that is usually lost on modern American Liberal elected officials who are so smart they’re dumb as in couldn’t find their ass using both hands. SASE.

Ms. Mayor,

First, let me congratulate you for putting your mouth where your money is – Did I get that ass backwards? No matter – in the fight for population control. Who knows who is breeding, right? The last time I looked you and your spouse, a person who will not have to worry about prostate problems, try as you might with the ancient arts of rug munching and dildo G-spotting, will not burden the polar bear drowning environment with more rug rats.

Good for you.

We are better off emptying some gene pools. You may wish to consult Margaret Sanger and the Nuremberg Race Laws.

But then we get to the subpoenas.

The subpoenas commanded pastors to produce everything involving their sermons and their speeches about certain practices that certain religions – not theirs – disapprove. There are religions that preach that the practitioners of same should die in a rather specific manner. I’ll get to that in a bit.

I could hector you with “Congress shall make no law….” I could tell what one of the original DWEMs said 25 centuries ago – “Free men speak with free tongues” – but I won’t.

I will probably be in Houston in a few months. As much as I would like to tell you where I might be I shan’t. The prospect of having some Brown-shirted, badge wearing, gun toting Fascist wanabees showing up at my host’s house is not acceptable. I have had police; men with badges, men with guns, men with the full majesty of the Law come to my house 3 times because of something I wrote to or about elected officials.

The thread connecting these 3 separate incidents is that the 3 elected officials I wrote to or about were all Democrats. Specifically they were all card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberals, as if there could possibly be any other kind. And here’s another strange coincidence.

They were all broads. Not a scrotum among them. Toilet seats turned perpetually up. All games ending in scoreless ties but who’s keeping score?

I have been awarding public officials, the first being the tooth picking, perpetually calorically challenged New Jersey Superior Court Judge Carole Ferentz, in 1992, 3 highly prized, greatly respected, world renowned laurels. [If I am to believe the flying squad of the emergency carpentry department of the Newark Courthouse her ass was an axe handle and a half wide]

Let me skip the foreplay,

HORSE’S ASS OFF THE WEEK

POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

Congratulations! A hat trick! And your first time at the plate, too. It must be like Alexander felt when he realized that there was nothing left to conquer. You give PMS overloaded nags a bad name.

Wear your laurels proudly. You got them the old fashioned way. No chick set aside for you.

You earned them.



Kevin Smith



PS – You may want to subpoena a few Imams. Whether they be Sunni or Shia is irrelevant. They agree on one thing. Homosexuality – male and/or female – is an abomination punishable by death. Not the needle or the noose but a tried and true method: stoning. The Koran, and see if your Cossack cops can find out why it is always sacred, have some strict protocol rules. The stones can’t be too big lest the stonee die too quickly. They can’t be too small lest the cathartic community cleansing takes too long. It is oft-times discussed at Friday services. Get to the bottom of this before the Word Police ban bacon.