April 27, 2019 John Havlicek, late of Ohio State University and the Boston Celtics

April 27, 2019

John Havlicek, late of Ohio State University and the Boston Celtics, aka “Hondo”, died yesterday. He won a NCAA title and 8 NBA championships. I saw him play in the Holiday Tournament at the old MSG in 1960. The ticket cost 50 cents. Like all great ball players, he always wanted the ball at the end of the game.

Does anyone else remember the condescending bullshit of “shovel ready jobs” resulting in a perpetual “summer of recovery”? Does anyone else remember Rasputin look-a-like Paul Krugman, and yes, he did win a Nobel Prize but so did Yasser Arafat and the guy who invented lobotomies, when he said that Trump would cause both the economy and the stock market to tank and not just tank but tank forever”? Weren’t tax cuts supposed to benefit the 1%ers, a poser that dances around the question of how do you cut taxes for someone who has no income. The economy grew at a rate of 3.2% in the first quarter. That’s a number that the cheerless, deadly dull, statist economists – Must I add the inconvenient fact that they are all card carrying modern American Liberals? – said would never be seen in our lifetime.  

Earth Day has come and gone and while Gaia may be pissed off, she still hasn’t ended life as we know it. Some may take Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s prediction of 12 years left before we turn into dust as a license to do profligate things. As for me, I miss the old days when I began the practice of squirting my can of Right Guard out the bathroom window after finishing my morning ablutions. I was aiming for the accursed ozone layer. Now, on the verge of senescence, I don my ball cap, the one emblazoned with PROUD GLOBAL WARMER, fondle my collection of plastic straws, and launch some of them into the Intracoastal hoping first for a manatee or, failing that, the Gulf Stream where Europe awaits.

I have heard that “Curley” Biden, named in honor of the smartest Stooge, was called “Cheesedick” by his classmates at Auchmere Academy in Delaware. And let the record show that the only blue collars worn at Aukville were from Brooks Brothers for the students or from Nick’s Nearly New for the maintenance guys. His most recent brain surgery was not to take something out but to put something in. 

Speaking of “Curley”, why wasn’t Anita Hill believed like that Blasy-Ford dame was? Wait a minute. She was. It was Juanita Broadrick who wasn’t. Also, Paula Jones. Wait a minute for her also. Big Bill Clinton, the King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes had an insurance company that believed her to the tune of $800,000.  

New Jersey, and Lord but I miss the moral clarity of the place, it being the place where “I’m on the bus, ring the bell” is learned before you are weaned., has a law that makes it illegal for a service station to sell gas below what the dealer paid for it. Recently, a Superior Court Judge upheld that law saying that it provided a “rational, necessary, restraint on the market, and is in the public interest”. He is expected to rule that the laws governing gravity are not in the public interest and will get the judicial chop. Sometimes I decide that it is in my rational self-interest to sell something at a loss. Maybe I want to build interest in my snow tires by attracting customers with below market gas. Maybe I hit a $50-dollar twin double and want to share it with my customers. Maybe I want to help my single mom customers who are usually “unlucky in life’s lottery” with have children in need of a good Ritalin program. Maybe, like the guy who took his pants off and rolled in cactus, when asked why he did it said, “It seemed like a good idea at the time”. Just because you wrap a nit-witted ohmadahn’s ass in black and give him a forum with the word “Superior” in front of it doesn’t make him less of a boob. Amtrak charges $12 for a hamburger that costs them $16. And no, you can’t make it up on volume. Will this dumb Judge board the train at Penn Station and arrest the cook and any diners who are violating the public interest?

The Mayor of Baltimore has not been seen in 3 weeks because of medical reasons. She suffered 2^nd and 3^rd degree burns when she tried to steal a hot stove and forgot to ask for help. The FBI seized her files both in her office and home. She is continuing the proud tradition begun by Mayor Thomas D’Alessandro who had a daughter named Nancy who married a high class grifter named Pelosi. Yes, yes. That Nancy Pelosi.

  I miss the old NFL draft. That was when it was held on a Saturday in a theatre. In the balcony were people, most of whom had the majority of their teeth, who were tosspots disguised as Jets fans. It didn’t make any difference who was drafted. They were pissed off. And they stayed pissed off. Ah, the good old days.

Here’s your bonus for staying to the end. Stop looking for Atlantis. It was a joke, artfully assembled, and skillfully dropped into the Hellenic Internet by Plato. It’s been bobbing up and down for 25 centuries. He was kidding. Honest. Stop looking. There is no there there. Next time I’ll tell you about the Bermuda Triangle and, maybe, vaccinations. Here’s a hint. Modern American Liberals always confuse correlation with causation. That’s why they stay stupid.  

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – With ample evidence in hand, one from Congressional public statements since January and the other from Supreme Court oral arguments, neither Bronx Latina would qualify as wise.