Steven Goldstein – The Sun Sentinel; Carl Hiaasen – The Miami Herald

February 15, 2009

Steven Goldstein – The Sun Sentinel
Carl Hiaasen – The Miami Herald

RE: Is there any thing else you share?

My dear Professor,

At last!

Joined at the hip [metaphorically speaking] by the common creed of too much is simply too much and only too little – Think Cuba. Dream of Bulgaria. Yearn for Zimbabwe. – can “cure” us.

“Avarice greases the wheels of our culture”
“Developers have controlled state and county governments…”
“Greed got us into the mess we’re in and only repenting
Our sin and mending our ways will get us out of it.”
“Reaping the fruit that greed planted.”

It doesn’t matter which of you two lachrymose keening Jeremiahs said which of the above statements. They are taken form today’s Sun Sentinel and today’s Miami Herald.

You are interchangeable. The ideas, the outrage, the chest thumping, the brow and breast beating, the victim-villain syndrome, the perpetual mantra of “Let’s make the poor rich by making the rich poor”, and the total suspension of disbelief about the laws governing gravity, and that “rainbow soup” will flow only if enough good people really, really want it to happen are what binds you.

I can’t uses the words nitwit or moronic, can I? Is horse’s ass beyond the pale of fair comment?

One of you makes a living telling us about pole dancing and frozen lizards. The other wants to make androgynous pole dancing a varsity sport replacing the FCAT.

Each believes that smart people with good intentions working together can make the “single mom, a woman of color, with children in need of a good Ritalin program, who is hurt by WAL*MART’s low prices into someone with a good job who will be a homeowner who plays the cello and volunteers at the local homeless shelter”.




The evidence of my own eyes suggests that a strong case can be made for including the words “nitwit” and “moronic” when talking about you two Johnny One Note screaming mimi jemokes who are giving modern American Liberals a bad name, a task once thought to be so impossible that it was up for inclusion should the number of Herculean tasks be expanded.

Our problems, says one, is that too many people came to Florida. One solution would be to institute the Terri Schiavo protocol for any sick person. Meanwhile, because it takes a few weeks for someone to starve, how about a return to 4th and 5th trimester abortions? Admittedly it’s a temporary solution until we can build a wall at the Georgia border keeping those outsiders out.

The other one says every problem we have, including a plethora of Quebecois and teenage obesity is caused by the Republican Party. The solution is obvious. If we can ban smoking in saloons we can ban Republicans in Florida.

There is some good news on the horizon.

The President’s Stimulus Package, having been passed by Congress and when he gets back from Chicago where he was handing out and picking up some white envelopes [Some things never change in Cook county, right?] is soon to be signed into law. It won’t take until Easter before happy days will be here again. There will be public fountains running on “balloon juice”, spewing out rainbow stew. The voice of the turtle will be heard in the land. And, as befitting His station in life, President Obama will walk down the middle of the Intracoastal at noon on Easter Sunday, curing the lame and the halt.

It’s almost time for some adult beverages. In fact, it is past time for a lot of adult beverages. Those, in industrial strength doses, plus a bit of Mencken and Swift, will get me through the day, I hope, I hope.






PS – I love Curley Biden. Don’t you? He continues the tradition of having imbecilic Democratic Vice Presidents. Alpha Gump raised the bar for harrumphing buffoons so high that Curley – named after the smartest Stooge – will have to find his own “controlling legal authority” to make his mark.