VEEP “Joey” Biden

February 3, 2009

VEEP “Joey” Biden
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20500

VEEP Curley,.

You’re the gift that keeps on giving, like the Clap.

The swearing in of Hillary Clinton was beyond comment. Almost. That you are a Horse’s Ass of Homeric proportions there is no doubt. Must you prove it 3 or 4 times a week? Apparently you do. For that I am most grateful.

I’d like to see you and Clinton’s designated funeral goer, the immortal Alpha Gump, go mano a mano in a Celebrity Death Match to see who can say the dumbest things in the shortest time.

He has 8 years on you so the comparison may not be fair. Then again a lot of things aren’t fair.

Taxes aren’t fair.

If you are a modern American Liberal the solution is simple.

Don’t pay them.

The big guy, B.O. Plenty, told me that you will be the last guy in the room when he makes a big decision.

Alas, the reason will not be the one you had hoped for.

Since he is “smart and no fool” he will have sent you out to get the aisle stretcher or the steam bucket, anything to get you out of harm’s way, anything to keep you from interfering with the adults.

Doubtless you will have exited via the broom closet. There, totally lost, you will pretend to be Gus-Gus the Mouse. If you hear President Bambi say that he intends to bomb Pakistan jump out and yell “Another campaign promise kept” or “You da man”. Two might be too much for you to memorize. Pick one and stick with it.

Once you complete your training program, and Lord knows how we are all pulling for you, there are big things in store for you.

As soon as you figure out what to do with your thumbs you will have two new assignments.

#1 – Two car funerals
#2 – Wet dreams

In carefully selected focus groups whenever your picture is shown most people shout “What a putz”.

Not me.

You go guy!