Secretary of State Hillary Clinton

May 29, 2009

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
The State Department
2201 C Street NW
Washington, DC 20520


Madame Secretary,

It’s been a busy few months.

I know that politics make strange bedfellows. You spent the last 5 years in the Senate lecturing us on the evils of clever Chinamen buying our treasury debt. About an hour and a half after you are sworn in you fill a 747 with Monica Lewinsky wanabees to “convince” the Gang of 400 to buy more.

Remember when you and Mrs. Arafat swapped spit in that famous tonsil hockey photo. In hindsight it must have been an interesting conversation what with both of you being married to pigs. Now you have to walk back all that merde you fed to the Jewish voters because it is soon to be dreck. If only you could convince the Israelis to get out of Israel life would be easier for you. How many could fit into Gitmo? I don’t the Arabic word for trayfe but the diet would stay the same. “They are a far away people of whom we know little” worked for Neville Chamberlain when he spoke about the Czechs, remember?

Maybe you could get Jimmy Carter to cast his magic spell on the gomers in North Korea. He helped your husband, didn’t he? He would do no less for another Democratic President, right?

But that’s not why I write.

Today is the 56th anniversary of Edmund Hillary climbing Mount Everest. Since you were named after him you can be no more than 56 years of age.

Your biography says that you are older.

It’s a small thing.

It may have been addressed before.

Why do you think the Israelis or the North Koreans will believe anything you say on things diplomatic if you don’t tell the truth about your age?





I say this most emphatically in the spirit of empathy. I have been a big fan of yours since you managed to get the hicks in Arkansas to buy land through a time sales contract. No sense muddying up the waters with a mortgage. Who knows what could happen if you had to plead your case in front of a judge. “Equity”. What “equity”?

Your handling of the Ricky Ray Rector case impressed me greatly. I am sure the rumor of you offering to give him a lap dance while he sat in the electric chair to keep him quiet is just that.

Think good thoughts about Nepal.