Broward County Commissioner Kristin Jacobs

May 31, 2009

Broward County Commissioner Kristin Jacobs
115 South Andrews Avenue
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301

RE: “Better to keep your mouth shut and thought to be a fool.”

Commissioner Jacobs,

If there is a Baker Act to keep public officials from hurting themselves you are the poster girl for it. Meanwhile, don’t drive, don’t operate heavy machinery, and please, please don’t handle sharp instruments. And to keep your rhetorical incontinence, AKA verbal diarrhea, from infecting the body politic I suggest 9 yards of duct tape reinforced with industrial strength Gorilla Glue around your mouth. Specific instructions later.

“As glaciers melt and warming waters expand, sea levels will rise…
The Sun-Sentinel
Today
Page F5
You

Dear lady, think me not a cad but sea levels have been rising for 35,000 years. [Did you know that the snows of Mount Kilimanjaro have been receding since 1888? Did you know that 1888 was the first year that the snow was measured there? Do you know what it proves?] It is a tribute to our ancestors that they were increasing their carbon footprint before they got around to making shoes.

If glaciers are melting can I ask where the water is going? Could you tell me how much the water has risen in the harbor? Are the piers obsolete? I live on the water. Should I move to the second floor? Should I move to Iowa?

Here’s an experiment for you.

Fill a large glass with ice.

Then fill it with water.

Keep an eye on it.

According to your Luddite/Lysenko scientific method when the ice melts the water in the glass should overflow.

It doesn’t.

Try to find out why, you boob.


Your statements about carbon dioxide emissions lead me back to the specious argument of “think global; act local”.

Even a blind hog can find a truffle.

Take a very deep breath. Secure you lips with 2 quarts of industrial strength Gorilla Glue. Then wrap 9 yards of duct tape around your head. Count to 8,000. Sorry. It would be ad hominem if I were to say that you can’t count past 20 unless you’re in the shower so I won’t. Instead listen to former Vice President Alpha Gump reading “Earth in the Balance”. That will make you want to hold your breath forever.

Polar bears will live because of you.