Michael Mayo The Sun-Sentinel

March 27, 2011

Michael Mayo
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: “Fair districts” – Some comments on your column bewailing the current state of electoral affairs and how, once districts are more “fairly” drawn, all will be well in our land.

Mr. Mayo,

I suppose it was “fair” that a Congressional district be created for Alcee Hastings. After all, he neither killed anyone nor did he practice pedophilia. Other than having his felonious black robed ass tossed off the Federal bench he was a hail fellow, wasn’t he? His people gave him a soft spot to land when he had to make a mid-life career change.

Would it be “fair” to say that his district would send O.J. Simpson or Michael Jackson to Congress? If possible both would go with them splitting duties on an odd/even day basis just like Carter’s gas lines.

Yes, I know that Jackson is still dead but that has never proved to be an impediment to Democratic politics.

I had an uncle in Jersey City, NJ whose attraction to Row ‘A’, the perpetual line of the Regular Democratic Party – Perpetual may be a bit of a stretch. They only had it from 1916 to 1978. It’s a long time but it’s not perpetual – that he voted until he was stopped in 1971 by a Federal Judge, a Judge appointed by President Eisenhower, because he found out that he had died in 1956.

In addition to demanding “fairness”, the amendments mandate that no minority loses whatever seats it has scratched out to date. That means that Black districts, shapeless blobs that look like amoebas on steroids, are sacrosanct. Wazupwidat?

I guess one of the hidden joys of being a card carrying modern American Liberal is that you never have to notice that, try as you may, the “unfair” laws govenring gravity can’t be repealed.

Baker v Carr notwithstanding, the deal struck between urban Blacks and non-urban Whites in Florida has been what the Founders, particularly Madison, envisioned.

A serendipitous effect has been that it showed that being a horse’s ass, a pompous fart, or a smarmy bastard were not race specific traits. Blacks proved to be just as mendacious as Whites. I submit Congresswoman Carrie Meek, County Commissioners Poitier and Eggeletion, and State Senator Mandy Dawson as Exhibit 1.


“Fairness” compels me to include Scott Cowan, Ken Jenne, and Beverly Gallagher as Exhibit 2. If there is a God in heaven it would only be “fair” to include Diana Wasserman-Rubin and Stacey Ritter on that list. The thought of Commissioner Lieberman, Lieberman being the name she uses only in Broward County since she uses Michelman when she lobbies in Tallahassee, ratting out everybody borders on orgasmic.

You mention Governor Scott as “Governor 48.9%” as if that makes him less than legitimate. It is owed to the ledger that the appellation “President less that 50%” would apply to Kennedy and Clinton; twice to Clinton. If memory serves the Marine Band played “Ruffles and Flourishes” and “Hail to the Chief” all the way through for them.

In typical mAL fashion, you quote Dan Gelber, Esq. AKA “Mr. 47% non-elected Attorney General of Florida”, thus

“If they fail then the courts will decide.”

If the Broward County Judiciary is typical – vide Dale Cohen, the current Chief Judge of the District, advancing his wife’s Judgeship candidacy to the detriment of something called justice. That he did it in an open court, during a trial, should be cause for him to be driven from the building by men with dogs and whips – I would trust the instincts of street smart pols from Liberty City and rich White dudes from Hobe Sound over those black robed venal ohmadahns

Everybody’s self interest would be served.

That’s what I call “fair”.



Kevin Smith