Governor Peter Shumlin, Vermont

July 5, 2012


Governor Peter Shumlin
109 State Street, Pavilion
Montpelier, VT 05609

RE: “Such stupidity, sir, is not to be found in Nature.”

Governor Shumlin,

It has been confirmed, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you said the following:

“Human beings survived for thousands of years and thousands
of years without oil and natural gas” said Governor Peter Shumlin
after signing a bill banning fracking.

We also lived for thousands and thousands of years without the overture to The Marriage of Figaro. Consider how long we went without the benefits of the TV remote control. Humankind, and doesn’t that sound asinine, was denied the pleasures of the Green Bay Packer sweep. What did we do without penicillin? Let me answer that. We died. This country decided that it was a good idea to go to the moon, walk around for a few days, pick up some great souvenirs, and come home. You can file that under “bitch slapping gravity”. Have you ever had a PET scan? Have you ever flown the Concorde? I have. Do you have a dumb phone? Is Ptolemy still your favorite astronomer? Have you yet turned off all A/Cs in state owned buildings as a way to cut back on your carbon footprint? When you do the polar bears will thank you, you boob.

Pop Quiz. Open Book

Walk into the nearest emergency room. You’re the friggin’ Governor, You can do it. Take a uniformed state trooper with you. See how far you can get without being overwhelmed by the astonishing amount of plastic needed to run the place. Doubtless, this will come as a surprise to you but plastic doesn’t grow on trees. It is a by-product of petroleum. Some of it comes from wells that have been “fracked”. Would not Logic dictate that products coming from “fracked” wells be banned in your state?

The “stupidity” quote is from Samuel Johnson. It is obvious that he never was in Vermont.

Kevin Smith

PS – Breaking news, you dunce. Boats no longer fall off the edge of the world. You are proof positive that, at least in Vermont, the boobies are running the hatch.