Chris Cillizza The Washington Post

June 30, 2012
Chris Cillizza
The Washington Post
1150 15th Street, NW
Washington, DC 20071

RE: “Only Allah can weave a perfect rug.”

Mr. Cillizza,

I used to say “Homer nods” when I discovered a mistake. Not anymore.

If I were to mention Homer that might suggest that an over the hill DWEM still had influence in our culture. The Church of modern American Liberalism demands that obeisance and fealty be paid to multi-culturalism. Thus my reference to Allah even though there is substantial evidence that Mohammed, his head flack, was a goat humping pedophile.

If the tax payers of America can have their funds used to produce a play – Corpus Cristi – that says that Jesus and Judas were homosexual lovers and that Judas dropped a dime on his pal, said snitching leading to his crucifixion, I can say that Mohammed moved sheep shagging to a new level, right?

My mistake was in granting Andrea Mitchell exclusive status.

As long as Helen Thomas expels CO2 and contributes to the plight of polar bears she must be included on the list. She is of invaluable help to me twice a year. She has a face that can stop a clock. I am responsible for the alarm system of a large building. The common area A/C, the pool motor, the cameras, the elevator, the laundromat, the intercom are all dependent of the clock being changed twice a year. I admit that an hour ahead or an hour behind has always confused me. Twice a year I put a photo of her up close and personal in front of the electronic clock. It stops them as if they were hit by a Louisville slugger. [I’ll get to them later.]

I have an hour to reconfigure, rejiggle, “reset” as Hillary Clinton says.

I couldn’t do it without her.

The other less than gracefully aging Hecate – perhaps harridan is better for her – is Barbara Walters.

She is older than most of the trees in Muir Woods. From when she was a Manhattan teenager and she discovered that the balls that the Louisville Sluggers lifted by the New York Yankees were not limited to batting practice she has been a fistula on the body politic

Come to think of it, a way to reduce the deficit would be to put the three of them, Andrea Mitchell, Helen Thomas, and Baba Wawa, into a canoe and send it down the Niagara River. All proceeds would be used to borrow less that day from the meretricious Mandarin moneylenders.

This, I bring the scales back into balance.

Smarminess abounds and, Heaven forefend, is in the ascendancy.


Kevin Smith