Margaret Carlson Bloomberg News

July 9, 2012

Margaret Carlson
Bloomberg News
1399 New York Avenue
Washington, DC 20005

RE: “Will no one rid me of this meddlesome ink stained wench”? – Some comments on your column on Hillary Clinton and why she is, with the possible exception of Mary, the Mother of Jesus Christ, and Gaia, the Goddess of the Earth, the greatest woman in the History of mankind. OOPS! Womankind. How about Humankind?

Ms. Carlson;

Alas, I am not a Plantagenet. If I were perhaps Runnymede would have been different and you would have spent your life in a nunnery.

The subject of your column in today’s Miami Herald is not whether you still believe that GIs serving overseas are tax cheats and should be denied the vote but whether or not Hillary Clinton’s shadow or the touch of her hem is sufficient to heal the sick and cool the nation.

In the pre-dawn hours I read yet again of Hillary hurling herself at the glass ceiling, the one constantly being reinforced by the filthy lucre gained by the odious polar bear hating, pro-fracking Koch Brothers.

If memory serves she was hired by the largest law firm in Arkansas, a feat that compares favorably with being the 3rd tallest building in Wichita, Kansas, when her husband was elected Attorney General.

As Hinnisy the Publican said, “She seen her opportunities and took’em”. So did her employer. She was made a partner when her husband was elected Governor. No doubt a coincidence like when, as Jeeves said to Bertie, you “find a trout in the milk”.

Glass ceiling? What glass ceiling?

You mention that she first gained notoriety when she criticized a United States Senator from Massachusetts who was the principal speaker at her graduation. No, it wasn’t Ted the Toper. It was the summer of 1969. Lard was busy filling out his dance card for, inter alia, the weekend at Chappaquiddick. Her instruction sheet for ridiculing public figures came from Saul Alinsky, the subject of her senior thesis. Whatever happened to him and his ideas? The question is moot. Nothing lost there save civility.

One of the jobs she had when she was busy not practicing law was being named an outside director of a little company in Arkansas with the intriguing name Wal-Mart.



Try to follow the bouncing ball here. It gets tricky.

She is a partner in the biggest law firm in the state. She is married to the Governor of that state. They may be Hicks in Bentonville but they sure as Hell ain’t dumb.

She went through that glass ceiling like a bat out of Hell, didn’t she?

She also found the time to read the Wall Street Journal and to study under the legendary “Red Bone the Broker” to learn and master the intricacies of the cattle futures market.

Shazaam on me if she ain’t Wonder Woman!

I still picture her as a modern day Boadicea or at least a marauding Maeve when I think of her ducking incoming gunfire by doing the serpentine shuffle on that Serbian tarmac.

You say she suffered through the suicide of her “best friend in the White House”. That would be Vince Foster, right? “Best friend”? Thus the envelope of language is stretched by euphemism, particularly when done by a friendly, indeed sycophantic, modern American Liberal ink stained wench.

Among other traits that would qualify her to be the first woman to…to… pee standing up is her ability to sit through “her husband’s humiliating affair”.

The facts would support the interpretation that so long as she could get to ride up front on Air Force One her husband, President Handsome Billy from Hot Springs, could get his morning hummer from the zoftig chick situated strategically under the desk in the Oval Office. No matter that the catcher in this game of gobble up the one-eyed trouser snake was just a few months older than their daughter.

She realized, up close and personal, that it was good, I mean really, really good to be King. Maybe it is the Queen’s turn.

If, as you say, she has “endured and prevailed” – and what must Faulkner be thinking – why not secure her place in History by taking on the role of Antigone? According to 3rd party recounts she already has done the Lysistrata part.

A woman was shot in Afghanistan last week. Ignoring their RESET buttons the crowd yelled Allah Akbar as she was shot 9 times. At about the same she and Bernie Karzai, the big boss man in Kabul, looked like they spent the afternoon on his back porch getting rid of a pitcher of Margaritas in an environmentally sensitive manner.

She left $16,000,000,000 – that’s 16 billion dollars – on the table when she left Kabul. Part of the understanding was that you just couldn’t shoot women on a whim.

The lesson needs to be positively reinforced in a most negative way.

Seal Team 6 has been quiet for some time.

Send it over with her in charge to put a Texas-sized ass whupping on those turbaned thugs.

Any woman who could be named for the guy who climbed Mt. Everest 4 and one half years before he did it can surely take out a few goat humping Gomers.

To Hell with being the first chick President!

How about Pope Hillary the First?





Kevin Smith