Wednesday, April 11, 2018

She has ridden out of the pages of History


April 10, 2018

She has ridden out of the pages of History and into the stuff of legend. She is out there “beyond the Western stars”. Known as “Wide-Bottomed Hillary”, she lived by the motto “Why mess your hair by crashing through the gender-specific [Did I just repeat myself?] glass ceiling when your husband will lie and hump his way through it for you?” Besides, a serendipitous benefit is you get to live, vicariously, alas vicariously, through all his Afternoon Delight horizontal tangos. And, when he gets caught with drawers around his ankles, she can caterwaul about “narcissistic looney-tunes” in a long serpentine line of bimbos.

Thus, after failing the D.C. Bar exam and being fired by the Democratically controlled Watergate impeachment committee for “conduct unbecoming”, she was “hired by the largest law firm in Little Rock – “largest” anything in Little Rock? As compared to the world’s 3rd smallest cello? – when her satyriasic husband became the Razorback Attorney General. And nobody said Jack Shit. And when she was made Partner in said firm when her husband came up for breath from beneath the sheets to be elected Governor everybody nodded and said “Que sera, sera”.

 Bertie was always told, “the trout finds its way into the milk”, so when she, because of her vast business acumen, was made a board member of TCBY [The Country’s Best Yogurt, for those whose only knowledge of Arkansas is when they fly over it] The next Logical step in her rocket-like career trajectory was Walmart. They may be really rotten, and absolutely deplorable before it was reverse-chic to be so, in Bentonville, Arkansas but they are not stupid. They figured out that even Big Bill Clinton, a horn dog that would have made Huey Long and Jack Kennedy proud, had to come home every now and then to refill his underwear ditty bag. They deducted them, remember?  What’s wrong, said the assembled Waltons, with having a pipe line, so to speak, to the Governor? The question of whether Walmart became “bad” because she was on the Board or after she left is still being debated.

A broker named “Red Bone”, and who needs the pettifoggery of a mortgage when a time-sales contract is what the Gomers who bought Whitewater land were familiar with, one dead, formerly feral, brain damaged Black ex-felon, TravelGate, Craig Livingstone, Ira Magaziner, Vince Foster, HillaryCare, love juice on the blue dress, Ken Starr, perjury,
$25,000 White House coffees – An inspiration to Starbuck’s? – Lincoln Bedroom “hot sheet” time share…and I haven’t even gotten to Bernie from Brooklyn, a big Clinton enabler, and his Loral Corporation selling all our secret GI Joe stuff to the clever Chinese war mongers yet.

And then, just when she thought all the years of sucking hind tit – Anybody from Arkansas knows that that ain’t misogynistic – were going to pay off, she gets bumped off in a “Kind Hearts and Coronets” moment in 2008 by a “clean and articulate” Black community activist from Chicago whose only 2 significant adult achievements were getting his wife a $4,000 – repeat - $4,000 a week raise and, subsequently, making her proud to be an Amurrican. [After years of oppression there is no record of her ever swimming to Cuba.] “Years of oppression”? My ass. Read her Princeton thesis. I have.

Markets have a way of correcting themselves. That’s what markets do. That’s why they are called markets. Any attempt, usually by a government, to correct or to emend them, results in chaos. Said chaos tautologically feeds on itself causing it to grow and prosper. The word “fairness” is always associated with this example of “the triumph of hope over experience”. Do you remember Walter Mondale at the Democratic Convention in 1984, the one that offered a not quite mobbed up goomah for the #2 spot, promising to add $10,000,000,000 – that’s ten billion dollars for the math challenged – to his first budget for the sake of “fairness”? I do. Look it up. It was Mondale’s daughter who used to sha-shay into the White House in a most nuanced way whenever Hillary was out of town or otherwise occupied. This was before Denise Rich took several lessons from Big Bill on his personal saxophone for spontaneous lip placement for those sustained high notes. Those were the ones where the coda is long and lingering. 

 Yet another way to make me proud to be from New Jersey is to note that Rutgers
University paid her $7,500 less for a speech than it paid Snooki, she of Jersey shore fame. Say what you will about Snooki, she got her higher fee the old-fashioned way, she earned it.  Part of Hillary’s fee went to the rental of the IV device, the one that drips pureed crème brulee into one thunder thigh while simultaneously lathering Ben & Jerry’s Chinky Monkey onto her Rubenesque arse. That, plus the nuclear-powered Jaws of Life if her absolutely non-Gluten-free, treacly persiflage backs up on her, makes it expensive to have her speak. Getting her Kevlar bloomers off her ain’t never easy.

Anyhow, the beauty of free speech is that it is like pregnancy or cancer. Either you are or you aren’t. Either you have it or you don’t. I bear several proud scars from one but not from the other.

Try to guess. Send a SASE. Win valuable prizes plus save Soviet Jewry.



Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET


PS – Speaking of “scars”, 2 modern American Liberal lady pols, one now with national acclaim and yes, Kipling was right about the female being the deadlier, sent the police, men with badges and guns, to my house because of something I wrote. Was that a “chilling effect” or a “slippery slope”? Use the same SASE. I love feedback.
PS Plus – Tornado warning here. God Damn Trump. It snowed in Boston in April. The Cubs opener was snowed out. And it all began when he pulled out of the Paris Climate Accord. The bastard. Where is Ned Lud when we really need him?

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