Passing Thoughts

February 19, 2008

Am I the only one to notice that

#1 – Bindi Irwin is an abused child. Her father gets speared to death and the kid looks she was let loose in an ice cream parlor. On second thought she looks like she was let loose in an ice cream parlor after a Thorazine enema. Her younger brother, 4 year old Robert, should be taken away from their mother. The 4 year old boy gets bitten by a boa constrictor – repeat – bitten by a friggin’ boa constrictor and the mother says the child is “proud” because “it’s nature’s way”. Reductio ad absurdum but would the kid shit in his pants with unsurpassed joy if a coyote could grab him by the leg and try to drag him home for his family’s Sunday dinner? Why don’t we tether him to a mangrove tree in the Everglades and see how much he laughs when a 10 foot bull gator grabs him. That’s “nature’s way” also.

#2 – Michelle Obama is “proud of her country for the first time in her adult life” because her husband is taken seriously as a contender for President? Also, everybody seems to want “change”?

Wasn’t she “proud” when OJ beat the rap? Wasn’t she “proud” when Mike Tyson bit Holyfield’s ear? Wasn’t she “proud” of her African-American sisters who, while being 6% of the population, accounted for about 40% of the abortions in this country since 1973?

Would it be impolitic of me to ask if Michelle Obama would burst with pride if Black men began to do their duty as fathers rather than just begetters? Senator Moynihan said much the same thing in 1965. 43 years later what has changed?

The Puritans in the 17^th century used to make miscreants wear a letter to signify their crime. ‘A’ for adultery. ‘B’ for blasphemy, ‘C’ for counterfeiting, and so forth. ‘R’ used to be for the marvelously named offense of roguery. Today my ‘R’ would be for a different crime.

Let the record show that since Big Bill and the Lady on the Broom were not gracious winners there is no way that they can be gracious losers. Senator Bambi and his wife, Mrs. Sisyphus, who carps about how life sucks for an African-American couple who have 4 degrees from Ivy League schools between them and made almost $1,000,000 in income last year and why do I just know that their daughters have yet to see the inside of any public school and who goes through life finding something else wrong, are about to become catchers on the javelin team. By the time the campaign gets to Texas there will be affidavits attesting to the other life of both of them; he as a Blackstone P. Ranger and she as a pole dancer. By the time we get to the convention there will be film of him praying at the big mosque in Mecca with Osama bin Laden. A Clinton flunky will lead the cry to get him shipped to Gitmo to get his skinny Black ass waterboarded. Barbra Streisand will sing the title song in the movie and Sharon Stone will flash her woohah because, as dumb as she is, she knows that she has a world class woohah. Both of them

will then arm wrestle to see who gets to play a solo on Big Bill’s saxophone. That’s his tenor sax, the one that is slightly curved at the end. Clock a ticket. It will happen.

#3 – At least Castro was good for some laughs while he ran the Caribbean Gulag. Without him the place will be like Bulgaria on a bad day. Maybe East Berlin. OK. OK. Better weather. Cigars and rum too. Also, the world’s greatest sandwich.

#4 – Yet another reason why we should be drilling in ANWR, in the Grand Canyon, in Yellowstone Park, the Gulf of Mexico, and if Lard Kennedy doesn’t want windmills spoiling his beach view how about 10 or 12 drilling rigs due East of his front yard at Hyannis, was made plain yesterday. There was a fire in an oil refinery in Big Springs, Texas. Oil closed over $100 today. All this flapdoodle about harnessing the tides, the times, the sun, waterfalls, and cow flatulence is bunk.

Chavez is both a horse’s ass and a thug of titanic dimensions. His country’s oil production is down 30% in 3 years. He is saved from being drawn and quartered by his people because of the spike in the price of oil. His revenues are steady because of the price increase. When the price of any commodity increases 2 things happen. 1 – Demand goes down. 2 – New supplies come to the marketplace. If we increase the supply the price will go down.

If we do that we will make it easier for the poor, the halt, the lame, and the calorically and follicley challenged to heat their homes and drive their cars. WE MUST DRILL. AFTER ALL, IT’S FOR THE CHILDREN.

Speaking of drilling in sensitive areas what if Raul Castro hires the Chinese to drill for oil in the Gulf just off the Keys? Should we send a carrier down there to keep Florida’s beaches oil free? Don’t the Cubans have a right to drill in their own waters?

What if Los Estados Unidos de Mexico has a blowout on some of their production platforms in the Gulf of Mexico? What if the spill blankets West Florida? Should we invade and retake Chapultepec Castle? Maybe it’s time for the Marines to update their Hymn.

Maybe it’s time for this country to grab their share of the oil and gas in the Gulf. We already run the risk of an oil spill. Why not get some of the goodies that come from production?

#5 – Speaking of oil companies, Hillary the Hecate says she wants to take the profit from them for the public good. Experience, not necessarily this bruja’s strong suit, tells us that maybe you can do this once. Never the second time.

Having destroyed the oil companies she will replace them with…with…FEMA, the Post Office, the Department of Motor Vehicles, the IRS…exactly what? Hugo Chavez’s crack management team may soon be available for assignment. Maybe the boobs who run the farms in Cuba could help out. Perhaps Mugabe from Harare could lend us a hand. His economics program seems to be working out quite well, doesn’t it? It is tough to get the buses to run on an environmentally sensitive fuel called Hope but they’re working on it. The sun will rise in the West sooner.

#6 – 2/20/08 - I just watched, rather proudly, as the latest shuttle returned to earth. First, it had to overcome gravity. It did that by reaching a speed of 18,000 miles per hour. When it got into orbit there were no Chinese takeaways so they had to bring all the food they were going to eat with them. Also, all the air they planned on breathing. After 2 weeks of playing Lego 250 miles up in the sky in zero gravity. Then they came home. Since the shuttle has no engines there are no Mulligans. It looked like the world’s largest SUV as it landed spot on about 10 minutes ago.

“Breathes there a man with soul so dead who never to himself has said ‘This is my own, my native land’…

If you can’t find something about which to be proud in that then maybe your soul is dead. If not for the technological achievements then for the triumph of the human spirit. “There is a hill over there. Let’s see what’s on the other side” has been the spark that has enabled man not only to endure but to prevail.

I am proud enough for both of us. I hope I have enough for the Obama girls.