Help for Senator Obama

February 27, 2008

Senator Barack Obama

607 East Adams Street

Springfield, Illinois 62701

RE: Endorsements & middle names

Senator Obama,

So anxious am I to help you get the Democratic nomination that I am out beating the bushes looking for new names. I have become a true spear carrier for you. As of today at dawn I have secured the following endorsements.

#1 – Willie Horton – All he wants is a weekend pass to come to your inaugural.

#2 – Robert Mugabe – He’ll give you the name of his tailor

#3 – Ricky Ray Rector – That may be a bit of a stretch.

#4 – Momo Qadafi – He hasn’t had a friend in the White House since Billy Carter

#5 – Tawana Brawley – She wants to be a victim’s advocate.

#6 – Roger Clinton – Finally, his own man.

As you can see from the above names I am concentrating on the coveted “A” list. I’ll let you know whenever I land a new one.

As to that red necked White guy using your middle name – I personally think Hussein as in Barack Hussein Obama is a great middle name. As soon as I found out that it doesn’t mean “Death to Western Civilization” I joined your Crusade – it just shows how far we have to go to become worthy of you as our leader.

I thought the 2004 election would have turned out differently if the Democratic nominee had emphasized his middle name. I think that Jay Forbes Kerry has a Presidential ring to it, don’t you.

If Vice President Humphrey had run as Horatio Humphrey in 1968 he would have saved us from the hated Nixon. The most Evil one gave us the all volunteer army, the EPA, OSHA, Affirmative Action, and the joys of wage and price controls. A President named Horatio would have saved us from all that.

Would Elvis have been Elvis if had used Aaron instead?

How about Delano Roosevelt?

Since it can become a bone of contention in the upcoming campaign, a distraction when we should be focusing on the really big stuff, stuff like how quickly can we raise the minimum wage to $28 an hour and can we turn Gitmo into an environmentally sound rehab for drowning polar bears, I suggest you change your middle name.

You will no longer be known as Barack Hussein Obama. You will be known as Barack Idi Obama. The last Idi, and God how we miss him, left large shoes to fill. I think you are the man.

Rest assured that whatever else I can do to help you I will, I will.