Howard Dean, M.D.

February 29, 2008

Howard Dean, M.D.

Democratic National Committee

430 S. Capitol Street, SE

Washington, DC20003

RE: Never let facts interfere with an argument

Doctor Dean,

I love people who are so smart they are dumb. They are about as smart as the last book they had read to them. In your case it has to have been “Rainbow Stew” – What modern American Liberals Mainline.

If you were as good at medicine as you are at History you probably were a witch doctor. Maybe even a rich witch doctor but certainly a witch doctor. The rumor, a rumor that I can’t confirm so I will use the precedent set by the New York Times and include it in my note, is that your diagnostic technique consisted of biting the head off a chicken and rubbing the viscera on the patient’s ass. No wonder you quit practicing. People applied to law school just to get a shot at you. John Edwards was building a file on you when he heard a higher calling. Pretty Boy thought he could be the head charlatan so you got a break.

We turn now to History, a field with which I am very familiar.

Buckle up you boob. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

You say the “all-white Republican field looks like the 1950s and talks like the 1850s.”

Let’s take the 1850s first.

Since the Republican Party wasn’t formed until 1856 no blame can be attached to them for the first 6 years of the decade. This may come as a shock to you but the Republican Part was the anti-slavery party. Guess who represented the interests of the slave owners? If you said the Democratic Party you are right. You get to go to Double Jeopardy.

It is well to note that the Civil War was fought despite the disapproval of the Democratic Party. The surge, the one led by Sherman, the one that shortened the war by at least a year, the one that freed the slaves earlier than was thought possible, was vehemently opposed by the Democratic Party and by – Surprise! – The New York Times.

Having been born and raised in Hudson County, New Jersey I know that “politics ain’t beanbag”. Thus, when President Bush was compared to Hitler, a name not quite equal to the odiously vile term macaca, it was well within the parameters of fair comment by politicians. The Democrats regularly called Lincoln a “baboon”.

Bringing the 1850s into the 20^th century you may wish to familiarize yourself with the most bigoted, the most racist President of the 20^th century. His name was T. Woodrow Wilson. That he was a Democrat goes without saying. He was so proud of his middle name that he used it for most of his adult life as his Christian name. I am not quite sure why some people get exorcized over anyone addressing the junior Senator from Illinois as B. Hussein Obama. Of course, once the genii is out of that bottle I better not say that either Barack or Hussein are his Christian names. I don’t want to run the risk of having the dreaded Word Police waterboard me.

You probably should have a responsible adult tell you about the 1950s.

#1 – A Democrat was in the White House when we fought in Korea. This country fought North Korea and the Chinese for 36 months. For 31 of those months a Democrat was in the White House.

#2 – The Republican candidate said during the campaign that he would “go to Korea”. Having led 10,000,000 men in battle and having ended the war in Europe 11 months and 2 days after he led the invasion of Europe someone in the Kremlin paid attention. The war ended 5 months after he took office. 53,000 Americans died.

#3 – The Republican President nominated a former Governor to the office of Chief Justice. He was enough of a politician to wait until he had a unanimous vote on a case called Brown v The Board of Education.

#4 – Three years later he sent the United States Army into Little Rock, Arkansas to enforce that decision.

#5 – It is well to note that the nominee of the Democratic Party for Vice President in 1952 was a stone cold racist. He was a Senator and a former member of the KuKluxKlan. It is a tradition that the Democratic Party cherishes to this day. If they didn’t how could they possibly permit Robert Byrd [Dem-WV] to remain a member and be referred to as a modern day Cicero. The man used to burn crosses, remember?

#6 – The 1950s ended with 2 main issues in the Presidential campaign. One of them was the “missile gap”. It boggles the mind to think that a 5 star General, a man who wrote a book called “Crusade in Europe” would let his country slip into danger while he was in charge.

#7 – I forgot that you really don’t know anything about History. The Democratic President was Truman. The Republican candidate who was elected President twice was Eisenhower. The former Governor was Warren. The Democratic nominee for Vice President was Sparkman.

#8 – Don’t forget the executions of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg. If it were possible to dig them up, wire them up, and light up once a year I would buy the shovel.

It is well to note that modern American Liberals are blessed with short memories. In the 1960s, when all the big civil rights bills became law, a higher percentage of Republicans in Congress voted for them than Democrats.

Silly me! I forgot. You know nothing of History.

The article I read about you getting your decades and centuries ass backwards was in the Georgetown Voice. There is a photo of you pointing your right index finger straight up. I can’t tell if it is pre or post one of your patented primal screams. May I suggest that you sterilize said digit – you were a physician, remember? – and stick it as far as you can into one of your eyes.

While you recuperate from your self inflicted wound you will have time to read up on some other decades – that’s why I didn’t suggest an Oedipus solution – that are hoots.

Spend some time on the glory years of Jimmy Carter. What a putz!

Take a peek at the 1930s. The First Lady then was the one that Hillary the Hecate used to talk to when she was in the White House. The highlight of that one is that after 6 years of Democratic rule the American economy was in worse shape than the day Franklin Delano Roosevelt took over.

One good thing about FDR. He was proud of Delano, his middle name. So is, for that matter, is Hillary Rodham Clinton.

You’re the Chairman. Find out what’s wrong with Senator Bambi.

PS – Wait. There’s more! Both Democratic candidates ran a 3.2 40 yard dash to undo or redo NAFTA. It is well to note that NAFTA has the force of law. The treaty was submitted to the Senate as the Constitution requires. Things like ratified treaties are not made to be undone on a whim. Unlike SALT 2 or the Kyoto Accords, neither of which was submitted to the Senate as the Constitution requires, NAFTA is the law of the land. The Democrats regarded these two – neither of which was a treaty – as if they were Holy Writ. Is there a bit of a disconnect here or do you think no one remembers? There I go again. History.