Daniel Vasquez, The Sun Sentinel

March 4, 2008

Daniel Vasquez

The Sun-Sentinel

200 East Las Olas Boulevard

Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301

RE: Sequitur – Your second lesson in what makes the dog hunt.

Mr. Vasquez,

Your concern for the poor and their long suffering cousins, the old, the halt, the lame, senior citizens condemned to living on a fixed income in an inflationary age, the calorically challenged, the follliclely challenged, unwilling teenage victims of the obesity scourge, drowning polar bears, and any other certified “victim” groups that I failed to mention, was made manifest yesterday in, so help me, the Business section of your employer, in your B minus polemic against the evil oil companies.

I await, eagerly, your impassioned take on the earnings of Publix Super Markets as reported in the Sun-Sentinel, your employer, this morning.

Not only did Publix make money they made a lot of money.

On gross sales of $5.9 Billion [that’s $5,900,000,000] Publix had a net income of $291 million [that’s $291,000,000]. The numbers, gross and net, were up from the previous year. Remember the words “gross” and “net”. There will be a test. It’s not the dreaded FCATs. It’s called life in the real world.

Since you want to investigate the oil companies for “profiteering” don’t you think the piercing spotlight of the 4^th Estate should be turned on Publix?

Think how many of the undeserving poor in Florida could be fed on the $291,000,000 of profits they made. Wouldn’t it be “fair” if Publix just passed on food to the undeserving poor without marking it up to make a profit. I am sure they could get their employees to work for free once they were made to understand why certified victims deserve this little break from the rigors of life.

Full disclosure demands that I reveal two things.

#1 – I succumbed to Publix’s devious advertising on Sunday last and bought some freshly picked Florida strawberries. They were deliciously superb. I know, I know that they were probably drenched in pesticide and that they were picked by immigrant workers who are treated like serfs. I know that they were transported to my local Publix in trucks that belch CO2, said trucks contributing to the depletion of the ozone layer, the continued drowning of the helpless polar bears, AND the obscene profits of the evil oil companies. In a moment of weakness I bought them and ate them.

#2 – I have been a regular patron of Publix for 12 years. I don’t want to put too much on your plate but I have had a trade deficit with them since 1996. In that way I resemble the relationship between the United States and China. At least twice a week I give Publix money and, in turn, they give me food and stuff. 12 years is a long time. Wouldn’t it be “fair” if Publix would give me a dividend towards the continued purchase of their products? In addition to being a long term customer I am a senior citizen who is disabled. Shouldn’t I get 3 bites of the apple? I mean what’s “fair” is “fair”, right?

Senator H. Rodham Clinton and Senator B. Hussein Obama are carping about NAFTA. To be precise, they yowl about in Ohio and they whisper about it in Texas. I’m not sure why that is but I hope someone will explain that to me. If “all politics is local” why isn’t some candidate speaking out on my behalf? I’ll be in thralldom to Publix until I go horizontal. I’m not sure what can be done about that but I am sure that it is not “fair” and once something is shown to be “unfair” something must be done to make it “fair”.

You have a decidedly Rawlsian view of “fairness”, a view that would be better served on the editorial page along with other moon bat, wing nut modern American Liberals such as Nutty Professor Stevie Goldstein, AKA “Screwtape”, and his disciple Douglas Lyons, AKA “Wormwood”. May I suggest that you request a transfer?

Your readers who live in the real world would be better served if you kept your musings – all of which qualify as non sequiturs – to your self. The editorial page, a place where gravity is a concept but not yet a law, awaits. Adults who have live in the real world and have scars honorably earned from it would be most appreciative. If not appreciative they would most assuredly be relieved of your Jeremiads about how bad they are.

Scratch Jeremiah. That might be blasphemy. Substitute Eeyore.