Michael Mayo, The Sun Sentinel

March 9, 2006

Michael Mayo

The Sun-Sentinel

200 East Las Olas Boulevard

Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33316

RE: A “Primary Mulligan” and how much better can it get for a founding member of “vast Right Wing conspiracy” as Howard Dean orchestrates a drive-thru colonoscopy followed up by a mail order lobotomy – Some comments on your column on the self inflicted wound of the Florida primary.

Mr. Mayo,

First, I am in the throes of terminal schadenfreude. It impairs my judgment. That’s why I will not operate heavy machinery today. Not that I was going to operate heavy machinery today. Rest assured, however, that if I were I wouldn’t.

Flash back to the first use of the term “mulligan” and the Clintons. Big Bill from Hot Springs used to take about 6 a side. Sometimes he’d tell the other golfers and sometimes he wouldn’t. If you are not a golfer ask some folks familiar with the game what they think about people who do that.

As to your suggestion that “Rush Limbaugh and his dittoheads” pay for the Florida primary “mulligan” I think George Soros would be a better bet. If he’s too busy trying to prove that President Bush really is Hitler try the former Vice President, Alpha Gump. Ask somebody who writes in the Business section – not H.Vasquez. He’s too busy leading a boycott of Exxon – about the Gumpster’s coming stock offering. His prospectus says it’s OK to steal a hot stove PLUS the pennies off a dead man’s eyes as long as polar bear drowning is outlawed and proper hospices are maintained for both nesting turtles and spotted owls. If he pulls this deal off he’ll have enough money to cobble up a ticket of O.J. Simpson and Rosie O’Donnell.

I may be on to something with those two above mentioned worthies. The sight of those two duking it out to see who’s on top should be on Pay Per View. That would pay for the Florida primary plus Michigan’s.

Since your column focuses on elections in Florida I would like to remind you of the highlight of the 2000 brouhaha.

The sight of man named Daley, a Daley from Chicago, a Daley from Cook County, Illinois, a Daley whose father said after the polls closed in the 1960 Presidential election, “Who says resurrection is dead?”, saying to a worldwide TV audience “Let’s count the votes”, was, to use an oft misused word, “unique”. That the live audience did not have simultaneous enuresis combined with projectile vomiting is a tribute to senses dulled by too much of Bill and Hillary. Remember, it was 2000.

Hanging chads and retired NYC people [Do you remember how Bernie Nussbaum was called “a New York lawyer” when Vince Foster ate his gun and managed to get his blood to run uphill? Do you think “New York lawyer” was a buzz word for something else? I do. Just imagine if anybody other than off the record White House Democrats had said that.] duped into voting for Satan, AKA Pat Buchanan, in Palm Beach were not caused by the ghost of Lee Atwater. The Palm Beach Supervisor of Elections was a Democrat.

SUPER DELEGATES, the modern American Liberal answer to the potential wretched excess of the people, is today’s best example of a petard. It is ironic that a party that pays lip service to participatory democracy didn’t, wouldn’t, and worse, couldn’t trust its own members to pick a candidate. After all, Father knows best.

Solzhenitsyn, after 5 years of fighting Hitler and 10 years in the Gulag for raising an eyebrow at Stalin, said after viewing the charnel houses caused by an excess of isms, “All this happened after man turned away from God”.

In secular America, a place where God is not tolerated unless His name is Allah, such thoughts are not permitted.

In the utopia envisioned by the modern American Liberals who make up the Democratic Party, a utopia where all it takes to “Speed the Plow” is good people wishing to do so, The Democrats turned away from the people.

Only someone who believes, who believes very deeply, that for every problem there is a solution best devised and implemented by the government, someone like you, could make the following statement.

“My proposal: Seat the Florida and Michigan delegations based

on the January results, which favor Clinton. In return, Obama would

get John Edwards’ 39 delegates, along with 40 percent of the delegates

in Michigan, where Obama’s name wasn’t on the ballot and

40% of the voters chose “uncommitted”.

The Sun-Sentinel

Page 4B

Today

You

It must have been 5:00 somewhere when you wrote that. On second thought it was 5:00 everywhere. And I thought that Tosspot Ted, the hero of Chappaquiddick, was the only guy who had the recipe for gin soup. Did you begin your adult life by arranging 2 car funerals to see how many ways you could screw them up? It’s like the credit card commercial. Priceless.

What about the Kucinich voters? Who speaks for them? How about Mike Gravel? Shouldn’t he get an Affirmative Action bite of the primary apple?

Do you remember the scene in “Shogun” when one of the Gomers tries to sell out the big guy? It doesn’t work out the way it was planned. These things seldom do. Either he does a Vince Foster or they’ll saw his head off with a wooden spoon. The last thing he can do is can do is teach the younger Samurais how to commit hara-kiri [seppuku for the purists] with some style and grace. Exit with a bit of panache, so to speak. He does. You won’t.

Another ninny, State Representative Dan Geber says, “I’m trying not to look backward. Let’s move forward and figure out what our best option is.” Clearly he helped you on the placement of the hearse and the limo. If he didn’t he spent a lot of time trying to make time run the other way.

Meanwhile, the OJ Simpson and Rosie O’Donnell ticket looks better and better.

PS – Two things: How fitting that the other story on the second page of your column says SEA TURTLE DAY – BOCA CELEBRATES. Let’s just take that as further proof of the ungildability of lilies. As to utopia its meaning hasn’t changed in at least 25 centuries. It still means nowhere. At least you’re making good time getting there.