Representative Dan Gelber

February 16, 2008

Representative Dan Gelber

1920 Meridian Road

Miami, Florida 33135-1818

RE: SUPER DELEGATES – The gift that keeps on giving…like herpes.

Representative Gelber,

Since we live in a multi-cultural area, an area that prides itself on the divers tongues to be found in it, I have sent riders hither and yon to find out what the Spanish or the Creole version of schadenfreude is. Alas, my quest is still unfulfilled. I’ll keep looking though. In that way I am like any other modern American Liberal. The experience of evidence to the contrary never deters me.

I tell you this because I am about to overcome by terminal enuresis. The effect of the schadenfreude caused by the self inflicted wound of SUPER DELEGATES is causing my bladder to burst.

I have e-mailed the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary with the details of how the SUPER DELEGATES came to be, what they were supposed to do, what they will do, who they are, and, in a totally unintended consequence, how they caused a revival of both vaudeville and burlesque. I want SUPER DELEGATES to have their own page in the next edition.

SUPER DELEGATES came about because the modern American Liberals who make up the Democratic Party – the terms are completely interchangeable – and despite their Kumbaya hand holding soirees, the 4 year wailing of Copland’s “Theme for the Common Man”, the convention genuflection at the shrine of John Rawls, and teary eyed remembrances of the glory days of “Midnight Basketball”, the guys with the “juice” never, never, ever trusted the “people”.

I am reminded of the late Senator Tsongas’s constant refrain when addressing the practical consequences of ratifying the Equal Rights Amendment. No matter what the question – Chicks in combat, unisex johns [the bathrooms, not the “johns”] “women and children {still} first”? – the answer was always the same: “The Courts will decide”.

The question of getting the trains to run on time would be easier to answer if elections could be downsized.

Notwithstanding the eternal flapdoodle persiflage from modern American Liberals “helping the people” the only reason these poltroons tolerate elections is so they can get power. Of course, they only want to help people but sometimes they don’t want to be helped. The Declaration of Independence mentions something about that. Look it up.

Mrs. Clinton would have given Ricky Ray Rector a lap dance to make sure he would be quiet as he was strapped into the electric chair in 1992. That this retarded Black man had to die to show that Governor Handsome Billy from Hot Springs was tough on crime was a small price to pay. Look at all the people who were helped in the 1990s. Small price to pay. Hey! He was a Black killer. Who would miss him?

Hillary’s credentials are impeccable.

She was hired by the largest law firm in the state when her husband was elected Attorney General. When her husband was elected Governor she was made a partner in the same law firm. No glass ceilings for her.

She then became a member of the Board of Directors of WAL*MART because

1. She sold hats and pins when she was a Goldwater Girl.
2. She became an intellectual concubine of Saul Alinsky when she was in college.
3. She was a well known land developer and commodities trader.
4. Her husband was Governor of Arkansas where – Mirabile dictu! – WAL*MART is located.

Take your time answering the above.

Senator Yojimbo Mogambo or whatever the Hell it is that Senator Suet, the 5^th Teletubbie, AKA Senator Kennedy, calls him has done exactly what?

We know, because Delaware’s Chia Pet Senator, Mean Joe Biden, has told us, that he is “clean and articulate”. That these are desirable traits does not make them prerequisites for President. I suppose it is better than having somebody in the Oval Office whose idea of a light meal begins with picking his nose. The thought of having a President who knows that it’s “yellow in front, brown in back” when putting his underwear on will certainly put fear in the heart of some bomb throwing Gomer. If not him then the guys who runs Exxon and the NYSE will swallow hard when he calls them in.

It is an inconvenient truth but I think I shouldn’t have to hope audaciously that a President wanabee would have to call the UN to find out where his vaccination records are. Still, while having a grandmother who runs the marginal risk of either being eaten by a lion or macheted to death by feral savages doesn’t disqualify him for running for President it doesn’t qualify him to be President.

Granted that this year should be a Democratic year and we may wind up with Bambi as President. This is a strong country. If we survived Carter we can survive him. Actually, Carter did one good thing. He was so bad he made it easier for the great Reagan to save the country and the world.

“We see through a glass darkly” or so my favorite rabbi said.

The American people have a pretty good record of separating the wheat from the chaff.

They’re called elections.

Each team chooses up sides. You agree on the rules. You present yourself and your views to the public. You point out the differences between you and the rat bastard who dares to run against you. It is in our History for these campaigns to get nasty, personal, and vicious. People go to NASCAR and bull fights not to see the beauty and the grace but because they either want to see somebody with a horn in his codpiece sticking in or a car going 200mph trying to make a wall crumble. Same with elections.

Elections do not lend themselves to instant replay, judicial review, or, in the case of Florida’s primary, mulligans.

You, as one of Florida’s modern American Liberal “wise men” have a plan, if newspaper reports are correct, for uncounting the votes cast, recounting the votes not cast, and attempting to achieve an elusive goal rather than a hated quota. At the end of this process you then throw it into the fan using non-malodorous fecal matter as a mucilage and see where it lands.

Marvelous, simply marvelous. And you voted for the change in the primary date, you moron. You got what you wanted, didn’t you?

And I thought that Karl Rove had retired and that Lee Atwater was dead. Wrong on both counts. They’re both working for Howard Dean who is almost “barking mad”. He is in league with Fox News and Ann Coulter. Mel Brooks is already working on the musical. Its working title is “Vote for me. I’m a horse’s ass.”

I haven’t laughed this hard since I joined a “Midnight Basketball” league.

Keep it up and maybe we will see people swimming to Cuba.

PS – I wrote to you about a year ago asking for your help in mandating that the children of all public employees and all, every last one, elected officials go to public schools. I still haven’t heard from you. Also, do you think they would have allowed Harry Truman to be a SUPER DELEGATE?