Senator Barack Obama

Senator Barack Obama

607 East Adams Street

Springfield, Illinois 62701

Senator Obama,

First, let me congratulate you on winning the endorsement of Minister Louis Farrakhan. If you get elected I ‘m sure he’ll urge you to get the bottom of the mystery still surrounding the murder of Malcolm X. That he has been able to work both sides of the religious and political streets for 45 years without one word of criticism from the press similar to that heaped on the Religious Right is remarkable.

The next time you campaign in Florida there are some condos in Broward County that you may want to bring Minister Farrakhan with you as a surprise speaker. Del Boca Vista Mordecai is one. Shul Heights will welcome him with open arms and checkbooks. If he likes chicken soup and chopped chicken livers tell him to come hungry. Remember to tell him that pastrami and mayo on white toast is a no-no.

Can we expect O.J. Simpson to be the next celebrity endorser?

I am not sure what you’re stand [I can guess, I can guess] on abortion is but in Broward County the modern American Liberals who run the place would look favorably on the candidacy of Dr. Mengele because of his progressive stance on abortion and his commitment to universal, single pay health care. In Florida’s non-primary some of your supporters carried a cardboard cut out of you through the streets in support of your candidacy. Some of the supporters of Hillary the Hecuba did likewise but no one could tell the difference between her and it.

See if Typhoid Mary is available. What this country did to her – no due process plus exile – makes the Caribbean adult sleep away camp, AKA Gitmo, seem like…like…a day at the beach.

I predicted in a note dated 2/19/08 that Hillary the Hecate would have pictures of you praying at the big mosque in Mecca with Osama bin Laden. Further, she would have pictures of your wife working the pole at the Club Boom-Boom. Your daughters would be shown at a summer camp for prepubescent grifters run by Fagin.

Yesterday the nation saw a picture of you as a half naked, half-assed Gandhi. I can’t wait for Chapter 2 and Chapter 3. Speaking of The old Mahatma, one of his traits that I don’t think you should try is drinking your own urine. Cow worshipping, maybe. Pee slurping, never.

Harridan Hillary criticized you for representing Rezko the landlord. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! She represented a red neck rapist in Arkansas in the 1970s. She attacked the credibility of the alleged victim, the alleged victim being 12 years old. She, in the best traditions of the criminal Bar, got the top count knocked out and her client took a plea for playing stinky finger with a minor. He went inside for a year because she wasn’t related to him. There is a rumor that can’t be unconfirmed. Since the New York Times puts similar stories on Page 1 I’ll treat it like its gospel. The details are murky but the rapist later worked for the Whitewater Land Development Company as the director of road kill recipes. He also led seminars on “Indoor Plumbing – Don’t let it Scare You”.

What I want to see is both of you going after each other like rabid wolverines stuck inside a sleeping bag.

Anything I can do to encourage your candidacy I will do. Please feel free to call on me.

PS – A big time “My Bad” is in order. I used the word “gospel”. How insensitive of me! Please substitute “koran” for it. Also, I think it is unfair of me to call you Bambi without your permission. Would “BO” be better?