Beth Reinhard, The Miami Herald

March 14, 2009

Beth Reinhard
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693

RE: After you the deluge? The tragic fate that awaits Florida if the Miami Herald goes the way of the Pony Express, ice boxes, the Village People, vaudeville, Hudson motor cars, Dictaphone, Green Stamps, Penn Central, the Shakers, Betamax, the Bayonne Times, the Flat Earth Society, Anabaptists, cigarettes for women, packing the Supreme Court, Circuit City, Tibet, Krebiozen, people who still believe that Alger Hiss is innocent, and the Berlin Wall as lamentingly outlined in your column this morning.

Ms. Reinhard,

First, some housekeeping.

“This is the best thing that ever happened to
crooked pols since manila envelopes.”

I am from Hudson County, New Jersey. It is the ancestral home of “hanging chads”. Row A was the line of the regular Democratic Party for 62 years on Election Day. 1916 to 1978. The protocol was for a white envelope to be offered on Birthdays, anniversaries, eclipses, non-eclipses, and any month that had more than 2 Sundays in it. If the swag were in a manila envelope it would be too bulky. Of course, in the days of equal rights, we see that zoftig women have an advantage when it comes to hiding the loot. That lady in Boston went from a C cup to a KLM cup as she was stuffing Benjamins into her brassiere for the FBI Candid Camera shows that she went through the Glass Ceiling.

Thank God for the Greeks and the Romans.

The Greeks told us how narcissism leads inexorably to solipsism.

You alone are the finger in the dike, a dike that holds back evil, corruption, petty politics, pernicious lobbyists, sub rosa public officials, no-bid contracts, nepotism, and the FCATs. It must be lonely up there.

I’ve only been here 13 years. I assume, based on the premise of your column that you and your struggling co-workers – Talk about Horatius and Horatia at the bridge! – are the only ones left who fight for truth, justice, and the American way.






This may come as a shock to you but the Broward County Commission is den of vipers. And that’s with newspapers! One of them uses a different name when she is lobbying in Tallahassee. Hot stoves in the cafeterias are double bolted to the floor whenever these grifters are in the building. It’s bad enough that these poltroons are Gorilla Glued to the nearest lactating public mammary but they cut their spouses in for some loot also. The former Sheriff, the only public official to oppose the 3rd Amendment, Emperor Kenneth the Short, had plans to invade and occupy The Bahamas. Their theme should be “Nothing Lost but Honor”.

I suppose I shouldn’t say that the inept Broward County Judiciary is inbred but the majority, the overwhelming majority, of them could look through a key hole with both eyes.

They share one thing in common with the lately lachrymose members of the 4th Estate. “Non-malodorous fecal matter” is a shared malady.

The Romans called it Post hoc ergo propter hoc. It is a false line of reasoning that is popular still because it is so easy. It doesn’t require thought. Wednesdays are not caused by Tuesday. Correlation is not causation. Look it up.

You seem to have turned it on its head.

You are saying that if you and your noble profession are no longer “turned to” like “rough men standing watch so we may sleep safely in our beds” evil will befall us.

Thank you for inviting me to join your crusade – “we need you more than ever to be our eyes and ears on the ground” – to keep us pure and worthy of the “change” that is upon us. And from Chicago too! Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?

“Somebody has got to get to that
Tuesday night city council meeting.”

Is it too late for the Herald to get some TARP funds? How about some Saturday car washes so you can cover that meeting? One of the benefits of Lent is that you can spend time on the Cross without drawing too much attention to yourself. Around here it will easy to find some thieves so you don’t get lonely.