Michael Putney, The Miami Herald

July 15, 2009

Michael Putney
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693

RE: GOP Politics – “Rhetorical Flourishes” a la Judge Sotomayor or “Rhetorical Incontinence” a la your comment about Congressman Armey. A different take on your op-ed piece in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Putney,

The Crist/Rubio dust up is what politics is all about, isn’t it? Ideas, personalities, past votes, table manners, friends, policies, temperament – they are all part of the process, right? It is in the tradition of the country to have sharp elbows and long knives in political campaigns. The standard was set by Jefferson and Adams, 2 of our giants, in 1800. So far this one seems tame. At least no one has tossed the word “thespian” into the fray.

There is one part of your opinion piece that is a bit vexing. It’s almost like a Seinfeld episode. It was the one where they all say “I don’t have a problem with that”. As I said, it is an opinion piece.

“…and Dick Armey, whom we’d like to forget.”

Why?

He was a power company lineman in North Dakota when his epiphany, his incident on the road to Damascus, occurred. 30 feet in the air, with a 30 MPH wind, and a temperature 30 degrees below zero convinced him of the value of higher education. He went back to school. When he finished he had a Ph.D. in economics.

Compared to other members of Congress – William Livingston, Randall Cunningham, Christopher Dodd, Alcee Hastings, Mark Foley, Barney Frank, inter alia – he seems like Saint Francis of Assisi.

Perhaps your snarky aside is caused by loyalty to a former employer, Alvah Chapman.

When Clark Clifford, the model of DC fixers, the template against which all other pretenders are measured, died Chapman, the former CEO of Knight-Ridder, was beside himself in sorrow. He eulogized him by telling the story of how a judicial decision went against the interests of Knight-Ridder. He spoke of how Clifford “fixed” the problem.




The “problem” was that a Federal Judge had ruled against the merger of 2 newspapers in Detroit. The result was inimical to the interests of Knight-Ridder and to its Chairman, Alvah Chapman.

His solution was to hire his dear friend Clark Clifford to…to…make things right, to make things copasetic.

Since I am from Hudson County, New Jersey I know how these “things” work. Since I am from Hudson County I know that we don’t talk about these “things” except in our lawyer’s office or in confession.

I wrote to Mr. Chapman several times asking why he was talking thus. I am mindful of the fact that “no man is upon oath when speaking of the dead”. I also thought that the rule of “de morituis” still applied. Apparently not.

I mentioned that in Clifford’s autobiography he called Ronald Reagan an “amiable dunce”.

I then mentioned that Congressman Armey questioned Clifford during the BCCI [Bank of Credit and Commerce International] hearings. Clifford was the Chairman of the Board of BCCI. Robert Altman, AKA Mr. Wonder Woman, was the President.

Clifford said that he did not know that the owner of 40% of the common stock of the corporation of which he was Chairman and CEO of was a Sheikh of Araby.

As former officer and director of a public company I found that to be impossibly and incredulously incomprehensible. Jeezus Haitch Keerist will walk down the middle of the Intracoastal this Sunday at noon proclaiming that lions and lambs will play together every evening without having to recruit a new bovine every evening. No wonder Bo Peeps are known for their borborygymy.

Clifford, to his credit, did the job for which he was hired. Like a competent hooker he was looking for repeat business. The best place to get new business is from old customers. Even better if they are old, satisfied customers. Like competent hookers they get to sell it and they get to keep it.

Despite Chapman’s protestations to the contrary the fix was in. My aunt from Hester Street says, “It’s bad enough you’re pissing on my back. Don’t tell me it’s rain.”

Congressman Armey quoted the words “amiable dunce” to Clifford.

He asked him if those words would apply to him.




40 years of DC finessing, 40 years of having the President’s back number, 40 years of being “the man”, 40 years of being the ultimate fixer, 40 years of having markers on everybody in town, said markers begin available to his next paying client, left his face as if Dracula had tapped his jugular.

Is that why you want to “forget” Dick Armey?

Rubio versus Crist could be a good scrap. It’s what the Founders wanted.

Maybe Armey will jump in.