August 16, 2009

Leonard Cope, M.D.
5599 North Dixie Highway
Oakland Park, Florida 33334

RE: To Hell with the stock market. I just struck the mother lode!

Doctor Cope,

I am the good looking guy with the beard whose hip you replaced last November 11th. I featured it on my Christmas card. I have a modest proposal that may be of mutual interest.

Our President, the Lord Barack the Beneficent and blessed be his name, told us that surgeons get $50,000 per amputation. Since all my capital is tied up in debt I have come up with a plan.

Forget about my left hip. I still have a right hip, two knees, two ankles, ten toes, two shoulders, two elbows, two wrists, and ten fingers. I also have any number of good organs and several underperforming ones. I am well into the back nine of life.

Can you see where I’m going here?

There is a great story about a three legged pig. When asked why he has three legs the farmer replied, “He’s too good a pig to eat all at once.”

How about a reverse mortgage arrangement on my remaining bones? I’m from Hudson County, New Jersey. I am probably more familiar with the “white envelope” culture than you are. I’ll run the books.

Do you make house calls?

I’m going to try to get some Stimulus loot for this.

Can I count you in?





Kevin Smith