Steven L. Goldstein, The Sun Sentinel

August 2, 2009

Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301

RE: Oy! At last we get a little bit of emmis in our politics

My dear Professor,

I state with 100% absolute metaphysical certitude that I am not a Jew. I also state that since the man who founded my Church was a Jew I can feel a certain kinship there. Being born and raised an Irish Catholic in Bayonne, New Jersey has certain advantages in lessons in ethnicity.

I watched Don Larson pitch his perfect game against the Dodgers in Bobby Siegel’s house because our television was broken. I carried vegetables from Guardino’s to the shul on Avenue C and 49th Street. I listened to the Jewish Mayor of Dublin speak at the Knights of Columbus and the Jewish Community Center in Bayonne. My first job out of college was at a textile company. My first customers were Worth Street jobbers. One of them, a man named Walter Levitin, told me that “when things are good they’re going to get bad but when things are worse they’re going to get better”. I also learned that the sons of Cuban textile merchants were paying off 6 year old bills, said bills being woefully past due because Castro took their businesses. I had a lawyer who married the rabbi’s daughter. I had the same lawyer as Ariel Sharon. From trayfe I know.

Your column in this morning’s Sun-Sentinel about the need for Yiddish as the official language of political criticism is spot on. A few points need clarification.

#1 – You say that Joe Biden is “long winded”. Since we are cross dressing ethnically speaking let me say that you are the template for Christian Charity. The man is a horse’s ass of Biblical proportions. No amount of ecumenical tolerance and no lost in translation explanation can explain away the fact that the man is a boob.

#2 – You say that “Governor Crist and the Republican legislature haven’t delivered on their promise of mega-savings on taxes and insurance”. Only mush brained modern American Liberals believe that you can cut taxes by raising taxes. I refer you to the progressive Cuban progressive, Raoul Castro, who said yesterday that “uncontrolled government spending cannot go on”. Strange as it seems to you there is a connection between spending and taxes. Listen carefully. I’ll write this slowly. If the government spends less it can tax less. If the government wants to raise more revenue the only sure way to do it is to cut taxes. You may wish to check History on that, Got it? Raoul’s solution will be to do away with both bread and circuses. It is well to note that there is not much pan there so it will not be a big deal. It will be cheered on by mALs. People like you who believe that the laws governing gravity are subject to their wishes. This leads us to the next point.

#3 – The President of the United States, Lord Barack the Beneficent and blessed be his name, sat in Reverend Wright’s church for 20 years. Wright would begin his sermons by yelling about the “Goddamn Jews”. Poverty, war, snow, hurricanes, the Cubs losing, it made no difference to him. It was the Jews whodunit, don’t you know? He says that he never heard him say that in the 20 years he was his pastor. If you believe that you will believe anything. OOPS! I forgot. You are a modern American Liberal. “The triumph of hope over experience” is Talmudic. You, bowing to him like he was a Saudi Prince, are almost ready to call him mosiach. Didn’t they have Yiddishe kups where you lived?

Does that make you a putz or a shmuck?

Like I said in the beginning…OY!

Shabot shalom.





Kevin Smith


PS – Because my family is well dispersed my Easter seders are not as large as they once were. I still have a cup for Elijah should he knock on my door.