Small potatoes...potatos

November 9, 2009

HOW MANY WAYS CAN YOU SPELL “POTATO”
AND IS DR. JOE MEDICINE CROW A RICH DOCTOR,
A WITCH DOCTOR, OR A RICH WITCH DOCTOR?

Let me give a post racial hopefully transformational paradigm changing “Shout Out” to former ACORN organizer Barack Obama. Since he finds himself in the White House with his finger firmly on the reset button we can end the debate about whether or not God has a sense of humor. He does. Dare I say “in spades”?

I must tell you that in my past journeys I have yet to find any “Cinco de Cuatro” fiestas. “Cinco de Mayo”, si como no. Any celebration that praises the French getting their asses kicked is certainly worth a big time “Shout Out” cum multos cervezas.

I have physically set foot in 47 of what I thought were the 50 states that used to make up the Union. Thank God that President B.O., a dude with two Ivy League degrees, a man saddled with the unimaginable burden of being raised by “an average white grandmother”, a man who was able to overcome this and make his way in the world, pointed out that were “57, maybe 58 states”. I had planned on beginning my journey to “the undiscovered country” when I got to the 50th state. Now I have 10, maybe 11 more to visit. I guess it’s an example of an “anti-Death Panel”.

On my journey, the one with the spurned Lotus, the one with the quotidian Scylla and Charybdis, the one with the aging wife, the good son, and the faithful dog, I am certain I would have found the Golden Fleece of literature. I would have secured, at great personal risk and, doubtless, through skill and cunning, a copy of the elusive Austrian-English dictionary.

My cousin found the girdle, ate the apple, killed the bull, cleaned the stable, and, inter alia, undid the snarled knot. It’s the least, yes, the least, yes, that I could have, yes, done. I may as well give it to him as to anyone.

Would it label me as a “culturally arrogant” White Man’s Burden devotee if I were to ask if Dr. Medicine Crow was, in keeping with the tradition of several groups of his forebears, a hair transplant specialist? Would it be outrageous of me to ask if he took hair from one unwilling Round Eyes and gave it to another? Would this fall under the term “universal option”? Perhaps it’s time to ask where Curley Biden got the flowing locks that nature denied him.

Perhaps President B.O stayed away from Germany because he. confused Kristallnacht with the fall of the Berlin Wall. Perhaps not. If he brought the man who married him and Michele, baptized his children, and preached to him for 20 years, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, and who says that Resurrection is not in style because he not only crawled out from underneath the bus that he was tossed under but he came out stronger like some truly evil modern day Hydra, it would have been embarrassing if he started to sing the Horst Wessel song. Todt Juden goes well with Goddamn America and Chickens coming home to roost, don’t you think?

Speaking of the Berlin Wall coming down, is it conceivable that a President Mondale could have said, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall”? You’re right. It isn’t.

Anyway, I began this by asking how many ways there are to spell potato. It dawned on me that Mohammed Kill Americans is to be executed tomorrow. His counsel says that he is completely incompetent. He thinks he is in Nuremberg. Nuremberg, Germany. It would be a most generous gesture if President B.O. were to reach out and pardon him. It would be yet one more attempt to reach out to the Muslim world. It could help to undo centuries of harassment, discrimination, and injustice that we have visited on the Muslim world. Every time I remember Omdurman or Lepanto I tremble when I think that Allah is just.

On the other hand a dimwitted Black man sentenced to death for murder most foul have little to no chance when modern American Liberals run the firing squad. Hillary Clinton sat on Ricky Ray Rector’s lap in the electric chair to keep him from objecting to his fate. He had the IQ of a box of starch but his death served a nobler cause. It proved that a modern American Liberal would toss a Black man into the maw of the executioner’s ax if it showed he was tough on crime.

The guy in Virginia is toast. Hasta luego, baby.

I am not sure how to spell potato.

Maybe Doctor Crow knows.

If he doesn’t maybe he knows the difference between the Congressional Medal of Honor and the Medal of Freedom.

How far would we be stretching the envelope if we were to say that one is to the other like hope is to change is to reality is to real life is to the mournful Taps that will be sounded at Fort Hood?

Shoe strings or steak cut? Baked or mashed?





Kevin Smith