Stephen L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel

June 4, 2010

Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Ugly lies in the eye of the beholder – A take on this morning’s column, one that ends not so surprisingly in you saying all will be well if we are less free.

My dear Professor,

“Ugly” is oft times a subjective thing.

Far be if for me to say that Helen Thomas is ugly but her family washed her hair with Alpo to get the dog to play with her. That is clearly argumentum ad hominem. I wrote that after I read that she said that “Jews should get out of Israel and go back to Germany and Poland”. That doesn’t make her look any better, does it?

You say in this morning’s column that anyone who wants to spend their own money to get elected is “ugly”.

You give Ross Perot the ultimate “ugly” honor when you label him the “quintessential ugly”. Jon Corzine and Michael Bloomberg fall into your killing zone also. Perhaps your objection to self financing a campaign is that they will not fall prey to the hated “special interests” groups. Lord knows what the SEIU, the Teachers unions, and pro-abortion groups get for their campaign bucks but it must be steep.

[In a bow to diversity, multi-culturalism, and Affirmative Action Warbucks Corzine gave $25,000 to every living, living being defined as not yet 2 years dead, Black minister in New Jersey. Since they weren’t candidates it was kosher to give them cash. He said it was to “introduce” him to their parishioners.]

Jeff Green and Rick Scott are your two favorite local “uglies”. Both men seem to have disregarded Lord Barack’s warning about “having too much money”. Perhaps they realized that they have too much of it so they have decided to rid themselves of it

Their method of disposal, alas, is not favored by you. Cocaine, gambling, and gamboling have their drawbacks. They want to give it to ad makers, political consultants, beer salesmen, event planners, lawyers, columnists and other hucksters, and probably a few bail bondsmen.

In other words, one wants to be Governor and the other wants to be Senator. If Florida and the United States can survive Jimmy Carter we can survive either of them.

You mention famous names being used by dullards, bounders, ne’eer do wells, and lesser breeds running for public office.

Congressman Kendrick Meek go this job the old fashioned way. His Mommy gave it to him. He gave a new meaning to the word primogeniture. Mommy, AKA Congresswoman Carrie Meek, gave Junior her crown, her mace, her great seals of office, plus an Escalade, the preferred conveyance of choice. Here’s the good part. She didn’t have to die!

A special section should be devoted to Senator Kennedy. In addition to never having worked a day in his life the man was a moral slag heap. If his license, presuming he got it back, read Teddy Goldstein he would have been a whiskey salesman who died 25 years ago of an exploding liver.

Too harsh? Not compared to Helen Thomas.

Whatever your academic training you seemed to have slept in whenever Logic was being taught.

Following your construct of eliminating whatever offends you, one that screams modern American Liberalism, we would shortly have no flowers in the world because of your aversion to bees. And should said bees show a proclivity for stinging women, minorities, and the various less than gendered or over gendered types that you champion you would use DDT on steroids cum plutonium to get rid of them.

In the end the mAL way, soon to be known as the Progressive way, is always the same. You put an iron fist inside an iron glove. Then you pass a law outlawing something.

“They are proof that we need public financing of campaigns.”

Your dictum, “taking private money out of public campaigns”, suggests a wish for expanded unicorn ranches with a side crop of rainbow stew. Where did Lord Barack the Beneficent get his campaign money? I am sure that his Chicago Best Buds, Bill Ayers and Bernadette Dohrn, the organizers of the Gaza Peace Flotilla, gave him a few bucks.

Maybe they can give some money to have someone take a back hoe to the face of Helen Thomas. She’s so ugly only Dr. John Deere could help her.

The above has been a brief lesson in the First Amendment. It begins with the majestic words “Congress shall make no law…”. Further, in one sentence it specifically mentions 4 separate rights.

Reductio ad absurdum – there’s that bug eyed ape Logic again – the one you most object to, “the right of the people peaceably to assemble and to petition the government for a redress of grievances”, is because they may get the legislature to do something that you object to. Should the legislature pass a bill that outlaws same sex marriage you would object to that. Should the legislature pass a bill that permits 4th and 5th trimester abortions you would arrange for a secular “Te Deum” for that.

The problem with competing in the arena of ideas is that sharp elbows are a must. Free men speaking freely leave wounds. Wars have been fought over those words.

With the exception of the Mohammed cartoons there are no strictures on art.

“Piss Christ”, a cross suspended in urine. “Corpus Cristi” is a play whose premise is that Christ was crucified because of a lovers’ quarrel. Jesus’ lover was Judas Iscariot. The American taxpayers have subsidized both.

How about a tax payer sponsored tour of the Mohammed cartoons? I know that the ones showing him giving bestiality a bad name may be a bit much for young eyes but it’s the price we must pay to learn more about our neighbors.

I will know that “Trousered Apes”, people like you, will have won when the Clerk begins the next session with the words “May some unknown entity bless this Supreme Court”.

Thus ends today’s lesson on liberty.



Kevin Smith



PS – Jeezus Haitch Keerist but Helen Thomas fits Fred Sanford’s spot on description of women with a certain grace. “There ain’t nothing uglier than an ugly old white woman.” She would make Medusa cut her hair.