Mayor Michael Bloomberg

February 11, 2011

Mayor Michael Bloomberg
City Hall
Broadway
New York, New York 10007

RE: What were you thinking, you shmuck?

Mr. Mayor,

You said that you were

“used to seeing inebriated Irish hanging out the
windows during the St. Patrick’s Day Parade.”

I am so Irish on both sides that if you were to scratch my double helix somebody who worked for Caesar would pop up. Nothing less that a Tribune, I’m certain. Maybe an aedile on mother’s side. Hibernia? Winter camp? “Beyond the pale”. Remember?

I have hung out some windows during the Saint Patrick’s Day Parade. When I was a member of the Metropolitan Club I liked to watch the help march. When I was younger hanging out the windows on St. Patrick’s Day was preceded by furniture being tossed from same. If you drew the long straw you could get to see how high a TV would bounce. I was never “inebriated”, you putz. I was drunk.

A filthy WOG tries to blow up Times Square and you, well in advance of the arrival of those damn pesky critters, the ones that are called facts, tell the world that it was the work of some schlub who doesn’t like Obamacare.

The one absolutely perpetual “shovel ready” job creating machine, the one that is the Summer of Recovery in addition to being the Fall of Recovery, the Winter of Recovery, and the glorious spring of Recovery, is the abortion business in Harlem. Why no comments on that? Is it possible that you regard it as money well spent? Isn’t that what Margaret Sanger said?

After you find a way to ban tobacco but not the tax money you hypocritically raise from its sale and continued consumption you can move on to salt. The idea of refusing admittance to any transient who has high blood pressure, such pressure being tested before emptying any AMTRAK train, will catch on. I hope you have a George O’Jessell moment. It’s similar to Paul, my favorite reform Rabbi, getting knocked off his horse.

Georgie, a famous New Yorker and Uncle GaGa to his many Irish relatives, used to tell someone who couldn’t find his tuchis using both hands or, in the old days, “a Jew in the Bronx”, someone like you, to “look in the mirror, put your teeth in upside down and backwards, and chew yourself to death”.

Relax.

Other than destroying some Cohibas, and in a bow to diversity and multicultural diversity, some DeNobilis and a hookah, I pose no threat.

However, should I be hanging out a window on 5th Avenue on St. Patrick’s Day and see you, I will, in my finest Irish tenor voice, star yelling “Shylock, where’s my pound of flesh”?



Kevin Smith



PS – What’s this I hear about a stoning pit at the WTC mosque? Will it be a first, that is to say, will it be used for both sexes? The Village People will lead the S&M cheering section and Mt. Sinai hospital will have first crack at the salvageable organs. That’s one way to save on Medicare costs. Obamacare outreach death panels will be needed but that’s what makes this the greatest city in the world, right? I can’t wait for you to march in the Eyetie Parade to honor Columbus. Will your favors include ice picks?